Thanks to Ashley for listening to the show and for taking the time to write in with a question. Catcalls and whistles can have different meanings depending upon the context in which they are used. A whistle between spouses can signify approval, love or desire in a very welcome way. A catcall from a stranger on the street can be embarrassing or even threatening, although in some cultures and contexts it can be more complimentary than intrusive. So when it comes to catcalls and whistles, let's break apart the intentions first.

If a catcall or other leering advance is aggressive, uncomfortably sexual, threatening or unwelcome, the first thing you should do is consider your personal safety. After this, the best thing you can do is ignore it, because engaging with someone who is catcalling you is probably exactly the desired outcome. If it is a person whom you know, and you are in a situation where you feel safe confronting him or her, then you should be frank and direct. You might say something like, "I have to tell you that your catcalls and whistles make me feel very uncomfortable. If you could please stop I would appreciate it very much."

If a whistle is done in a friendly way, perhaps expressing something like, "You look very lovely today," then you will have to decide for yourself if this is a gesture you appreciate. If not, it is best to ignore it; if it is, you might simply smile back and keep going on your way.

In general, a catcall or whistle is not an appropriate way to pay someone a compliment (unless it is someone you know very well and you know they will appreciate it). If you feel that you wish to pay a stranger a compliment, it is better to do so in a clear, polite and non-threatening way. If there are many other people out on the street, you might say something like, "Pardon me, but may I say that you are a very beautiful woman, and I just wanted to pay you that compliment. Have a lovely day." You should keep walking, and not linger any longer so as not to make the recipient of your compliment uncomfortable. You also might just say something as simple as, "Beautiful smile!" or "Looking good!"

If you are not in a very populous area, then it is probably best to simply offer a smile, and move along. If you are in a group and wish to pay a compliment to a person who is walking alone, remember that this can appear threatening even if this is not your intention, so be extra careful to be clear and polite. If you're driving and feel the urge to compliment someone as you pass by, rather than whistling you might consider saying something as easy as, "You're beautiful" (to either a man or woman), as you pass by. The principle here is that it is not a bad thing to pay a compliment to a stranger; it is just important that you do it in a polite way that will make the person feel good. Leering, aggressive, or threateningly sexual advances are not appropriate, so be sure to be clear, articulate and non-intrusive if you see a person passing by whom you wish to praise.

So here's hoping someone pays you an unexpected compliment, and thank you for listening to quick and dirty tips for a more polite life.

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