[Adam]: Hello and welcome to Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. Today we’re doing a joint podcast with Lisa B. Marshall, host of one of the new shows on Quick and Dirty Tips, The Public Speaker. We’d like to welcome Lisa to the network and our show.

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You know Adam, I remember when I was in college, the first day of class would start with role call—the professor reading out last names, Robbins (here), Smith (here), Fogarty (here), and usually just before my name was called there was a long pause.. followed by some close scrutiny of the student roster...and then...Lisa? I used to wait and watch for it. Why? Because my last name back then was difficult to pronounce!

So, today's program stems from that experience and more recently from a question I was asked after delivering a networking seminar. One of the participants asked me,

"Can you tell me what to do if I don't know how to pronounce someone's name. For example when I am meeting someone in person or referring to their work in a presentation?"

Looking back I now realize my professors thought it was more polite not to mangle my last name, especially when they had the option of calling me by my first name. So they just called me “Lisa” and for them, the problem was solved. I suppose it's a good thing my parents didn't decide to name me Kal-ela or Sputnikuuna.

[Adam]: Yes, that is lucky. Of course as you know, it’s critical that you always make a respectful effort to properly pronounce someone’s name, and never make fun of a name in a public setting (or in private, unless you know the person very well and know it’s not a point of sensitivity). And while your professors took a shortcut by using your first name, that’s not always appropriate in a formal setting, like a presentation in front of an audience.

[Lisa]: My maiden name was spelled "B-o-e-h-m" and our family pronounced it "Bame" --rhyming with "fame" --as you might imagine, very few people could say it properly based on the spelling only.

I would answer to Bohm, Beam, Boem, really just about anything that started with the letter “b,” and I've got say that...boy did I appreciate when someone would ask me how to pronounce it. It was even better when they rehearsed it once or twice just to make sure they got it right.

[Adam]: So you’ve hit on the best possible approach: if you need to introduce someone in a professional setting and you’re not sure how to pronounce her or his name, you should ask. It’s the most direct and respectful approach, and people will appreciate your efforts to make sure you get the pronunciation right.

[Lisa]: That’s exactly what I do, I say something like, "I am not sure how to pronounce your last name, I was wondering if you might help me to say it correctly" or more directly "Can you tell me how to properly pronounce your name?"

[Adam]: Often people recognize that their names may be difficult to pronounce and are happy to help. If you are comfortable with the idea, you might even consider adopting a nickname especially if you’re traveling in an area where it’s hard for people to pronounce your name.

[Lisa]: In fact about a month ago I was working with a medical research group and one of the participant’s name was Ubaradka Sathyanarayana, but he let me and his colleagues off the hook by letting us call him "Sathya".

[Adam]: The important thing to remember is to ask the person to tell you his or her name, and then practice it until they say you've got it right. Even if you never get it exactly right, most will appreciate your efforts.

[Lisa]: Of course, this process can be done easily when you are standing with the person, face-to-face. But what do you do if you are giving a presentation? If that person is going to be in the audience, you'll need to ask ahead of time. In fact, you could ask them to spell it for you phonetically, so that you are sure to get it right when you are in the front of the room. You can do this via the telephone, e-mail, or Twitter, if you want. You are asking out of respect and it is likely the request will be welcome.

What if you never get a reply and still don't know? Well, you could call and if no one answers hopefully you'll reach an assistant or listen to a message that includes his or her name!

During the presentation, you can also have the person's name in text on the bottom of the slide, and reference the contributor's name only in print. This way, you won't have to pronounce the name at all and still give credit. Of course, you could always TRY to pronounce it, who knows you may actually get it right. In fact, I was still remember, back in college, one day one of my professors didn't hesitate at all, he said, very confidently, Lisa Boehm. Turns out he had had a student with a similar name and so, he gave mine a try. I always appreciated when someone at least tried to pronounce my name and was deligthed when they got it right.

[Adam]: In the long run, if you do mispronounce someone’s name you should respectfully apologize, though most people will forgive the mistake. However, repeatedly mispronouncing a person’s name because you didn’t go the extra step to ask is a little less than polite. Of course if someone mispronounces your name, you should make the effort to politely correct him or her.

[Lisa]: Yes, I’ve always appreciated it when someone helps me with the pronunciation of his name and also I find other people always appreciate the extra effort to introduce them correctly.

[Adam]: Thanks to Lisa for joining us on the show today. Here's hoping everyone learns to pronounce your name correctly, and thanks for listening to Modern Manners Guy Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.