The Truth About Love

New York Times bestselling author Harlan Cohen asks the question: What have you done to find love today?

Harlan Cohen
May 9, 2012

The Truth About Love


What have you done to find love today?  

That’s the question I ask single people when I meet them. And, I meet a lot of them. I travel the country looking for single people. I search college campuses. I look online. I see them at airports, on planes, and at baggage claim. I’m not single and I’m not a creep (promise). I like meeting single people so that when I meet other single people who tell me it’s so hard to meet people, I can tell them with 100 percent certainty there are thousands of amazing, attractive, intriguing people looking for love at this very moment.  But most of them do a poor job of taking risks and advertising their single status.

And that brings me back to the question: What have you done to find love today?  Your answer might be, “Nothing, it should just happen naturally.”  As if looking somehow taints the process.  But we look for a job.  We look for a place to live.  We even look for shoes.  Not looking is a cop-out that we use to protect ourselves from getting hurt so we can avoid taking risks.

So, want the no cop-out answer?

Most men lack the testicles needed to take the risks in order to find love.  And most women lack the ovaries needed to take the same risks.   We hate doing the approaching.  We love making excuses.  We blame being single on not having time, bad men, witchy women, being picky, getting hurt, and the list goes on and on. We blame everyone and everything except the real cause of the problem. So what’s the real culprit of single-dom?

I call it The Universal Rejection Truth of Dating and Relationships

The Universal Rejection Truth of Dating and Relationships is an undeniable truth. What it means is that thousands of people out there will want you (yes, THOUSANDS), but millions will not.  Thousands of people will want to love you, hold you, and spread love oils on you.   Millions will not.  Some will not want you for reasons you can control. Others won’t want you for reasons you can’t. Some of the reasons might have nothing to do with you or how attractive you might be.   You can be a supermodel and still get rejected. Want to find love today?  Come out of rejection denial and embrace The Truth.  Give the world permission to want you AND not want you.

Want to know if you’re in rejection denial?   


When someone you like doesn’t like you, do you hate that person? Do you hide from that person and from everyone close to them?  If the answer is yes, you are, in fact, in rejection denial. 

Let this be the day you stop and embrace the truth.  Give the world permission to think whatever the world wants. Once you can fully embrace The Truth, your world will change in an instant.  Your focus will shift from avoiding rejection to exploring endless opportunities.  Instead of wanting everyone to want you, you’ll focus on what you want, what you like, and go after it without hesitation.  Excuses will melt away.  A world of endless options will begin to appear all around you.  

So, here’s the question: 

What have you done to find love today? 

Harlan Cohen is a syndicated advice columnist and New York Times bestselling author of Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding The Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober).  Visit: www.GettingNakedExperiment.com to find the love of your life.  Follow Harlan on Twitter @HarlanCohen, on Facebook at: Facebook.com/HelpMeHarlan, and at HelpMeHarlan.com.

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