Why do we pass gas, and what can we do about it?
How to Get Rid of Gas
So what can be done for the sufferer and the many co-sufferers? Here are my quick and dirty tips on coping with gaseous emissions:
Tip 1: Keep a food diary. Beans are famous for causing childhood entertainment, but many other foods can cause gas too. A sudden increase in fiber intake, while it may be healthy, can make it very dangerous to take long rides in the car (especially with others in the car). Write down what you are eating and see if you can find the culprit.
Tip 2: Consider a medical approach. Activated charcoal pills may be helpful in absorbing gas--especially the foul-smelling kind. Adding Beano to your food--especially if it is rich in vegetables--can reduce the gas the food produces (although it must be taken along with the food). Other medications, such as simethicone (found in Gas-X and other OTC products) have limited benefit, but it doesn’t hurt to try them.
Tip 3: The nuclear option. If all else fails (and I am not kidding about this), there are charcoal-lined seat cushions and even charcoal-lined underwear for those whose problem is unfixable.
Tip 4: Consider others. The Modern Manners Guy did a great article about the polite ways to pass gas. Of course, you should always avoid elevators if you have a problem with gas, and perhaps consider buying a convertible or moving to the country.
As always, your doctor should be able to help you figure out if there is anything more serious going on. Persistent diarrhea, significant changes to your bowel habits, and weight loss are signs that other more serious problems may exist.
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Let me once again remind you that this podcast is for informational purposes only. My goal is to add to your medical knowledge and translate some of the weird medical stuff you hear, so when you do go to your doctor, your visits will be more fruitful. I don’t intend to replace your doctor; he or she is the one you should always consult about your own medical condition.
Catch you next time! Stay Healthy!
Here’s the promised list (from Goofball.com)
1. Anal Salute
2. Beep your horn
3. Blast the chair
5. Blow Mud
6. Blow the big brown horn
7. Bottom blast
8. Bottom burp
9. Break wind
10. Butt burp
11. Butt trumpet
12. Butt tuba
13. Buttock bassoon
14. Cut a stinker
15. Cut the cheese
16. Cut the wind
17. Drop a bomb
21. Float an air biscuit
22. Funky rollers
23. Gaseous intestinal by-products
26. Let a Beefer
27. Let each little bean be heard
28. Mating call of the barking spider
29. Mexican jet propulsion
30. One-gun salute
31. Pass gas
32. Pass wind
34. Puff, the Magic Dragon!
35. Rebuild the ozone layer one poof at a time
36. Rectal honk
37. Rectal shout
38. Ripple Fart
39. Shoot the cannon
40. Singe the [noun] (e.g. carpet)
41. Step on a duck
42. The colonic calliope
43. The gluteal tuba
44. Toot your own horn
45. Trouser cough
46. Trouser trumpet
There are many more I can think of (most notably, the SBD - silent but deadly). If you have more you would like to enlighten us with, visit my Facebook page.
As a bonus, here is an excerpt from the Merck Manual of Medicine, a respected medical textbook. It seems they employed middle-school aged boys at some point. Enjoy:
Flatulence, which can cause great psychosocial distress, is unofficially described according to its salient characteristics:
(1) the "slider" (crowded elevator type) , which is released slowly and noiselessly, sometimes with devastating effect;
(2) the open sphincter, or "pooh" type, which is said to be of higher temperature and more aromatic;
(3) the staccato or drumbeat type, pleasantly passed in privacy; and
(4) the "bark" type (described in a personal communication) is characterized by a sharp exclamatory eruption that effectively interrupts (and often concludes) conversation. Aromaticity is not a prominent feature. Rarely, this usually distressing symptom has been turned to advantage, as with a Frenchman referred to as "Le Petomane," who became affluent as an effluent performer who played tunes with the gas from his rectum on the Moulin Rouge stage.