What should you ask for in a divorce settlement? What is a typical divorce settlement? Here are some things you might consider when getting a divorce.
3. Consider What Professionals Will Represent You
There are important considerations to keep in mind when choosing which divorce professionals will represent you. Adrienne Rothstein Grace writes on the Huffington Post, 3 Steps to Prepare for Your Divorce, that you must align yourself with the right professionals. She explains “First, think about the divorce process you and your spouse will want to undertake and ask yourself the following questions:
- “Is this going to be an acrimonious divorce? Or will my spouse and I cooperate?”
- “Do I already know about all of our household and personal finances? Or do I suspect that I may be out of the loop on some assets, debts or income sources?”
- “Do I trust my spouse to be cooperative and forthright?”
- “Do I have any reason to believe that I will feel intimidated by my spouse during these proceedings?”
- “Are we both focused on the wellbeing of our children?”
Grace says that “If you believe that you and your spouse will cooperate and will have joint best interests in mind while negotiating, then you might want to choose a divorce mediator or embrace a collaborative divorce. Those options are less costly, more private, and usually result in a more peaceful settlement process. However, if you’re not certain about finances, or cannot trust your spouse to be completely above-board and cooperative, then you might hire a traditional divorce attorney, who will only have your interests in focus while they help negotiate the complexities of your divorce.”
My ex-spouse and I decided to retain individual divorce attorneys. In addition, we also hired a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, (CDFA) at the recommendation of each of our lawyers, who met with us jointly to give us a complete overview of what our financial future was going to look like. It's a huge wake-up call when you see all the numbers in front of you on paper. At our first meeting with the CDFA I learned quickly that I was going to have to go back to work, full-time to sustain the home we lived in as well as the upkeep, taxes, insurance, and basics like groceries for our large family.
It's a huge wake-up call when you see all the numbers in front of you on paper.
If you surround yourself with competent, caring professionals who will guide you through this very delicate journey, you will have made an important investment in your family’s future, financial well-being.
4. Stay in the Financial Know Throughout Your Divorce
Throughout your divorce, you’re bound to get all kinds of advice from friends, family, co-workers and other concerned individuals that will be looking out for you and have your best interest at heart. This can be both helpful and draining depending on your relationship with these people. When I began divorce proceedings, I too received lots of comments and suggestions from well-meaning folks, but I also decided I wanted to be armed with my own facts so I began reading lots of articles and books as well as listened to informative podcasts about divorce, particularly financially-related pieces.
My QDT colleague, Laura Adams, Money Girl, recently did an wrote about divorce in Getting Divorced? Here's How to Protect Your Money. She interviewed Stan Corey, a divorce expert and author of a new book, The Divorce Dance. This podcast had some terrific insight and some of the topics she and Corey cover in this interview include:
- Different types of divorce proceedings that you can choose
- The biggest mistakes that can cost you financially in a divorce
- Why relying on a single family law attorney can be a bad idea
- Tips for dividing up financial assets the right way—especially when you’re not so financially savvy
- How to get divorced when you don’t have much money to pay for it
As you continue down the path of your divorce, surround yourself with as much information as you can, so that you will be able to make the best decisions possible for you and your children.
Five years later, I am still watching my financial picture very carefully. I work full-time and do freelance work on the side in order to maintain my home and other living expenses. I am extremely grateful that my ex-husband is very supportive of many of our 8 children’s extracurricular expenses, but the reality is I’m responsible for my own financial future so I have learned to be extremely careful with purchases and expenses.
The final topic in this divorce series will revolve around putting your kids first after the divorce.
How have you managed your finances during a separation or divorce? Please share your thoughts in the comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT.
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