How to Talk About Race with Kids
Children are bound to notice that people are different eventually.
Cherylyn Feierabend
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How to Talk About Race with Kids
Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some Quick and Dirty Tips for Practical Parenting.
Listener, Jennifer, wrote in and asked me to talk about how to help kids learn about racial differences. This is a great and very timely topic for me right now. Since my daughter has started kindergarten and my son has started pre-school, they are both coming into contact with many more children than they ever have before and on a daily basis. Both of my children have a variety of ethnicities represented in their classrooms. My son has yet to mention it, but my daughter has let me know some of the differences she is seeing. It makes me very happy to see that while she’s telling me she sees differences, she’s always telling me in a positive light. One girl in particular she’s mentioned had the “prettiest brown skin” she said. I responded with, “She sounds beautiful!” My daughter agreed that her friend is, in fact, beautiful and very nice too.
Acceptance Begins at Home
Our children will watch what we do and hear what we say. While I certainly hope that my listeners are truly accepting of all types of people, there is always the possibility that even in jest, we could say something that little ears may pick up on. I won’t offer examples in case your children are listening with you. I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about anyway. If you are used to joking around with your friends about their differences or the differences of others, please be mindful of the little ears nearby. Also, consider the people you do have around. If they are prone to talking or joking negatively in this fashion, you may want to ask them to restrain themselves in front of the kids. If they can’t respect your request, I’d suggest removing your child from their presence as much as reasonably possible. Your child may or may not pick up on what’s going on, but repeated contact with this type of behavior can very likely result in mimicry of the negative attitude being witnessed.
How to Talk About Race with Kids
Earlier I mentioned that my daughter had noticed a girl with a different color skin in her school. I was, of course, pleased that she was so positive about the difference. We were able to talk about how everyone is different. Some people are really tall, or short, or have different colored hair and eyes. Some people even wear glasses. When my daughter’s best friend started wearing glasses, my daughter and I both reassured her that her glasses were very pretty on her. Of course, then my daughter wanted glasses too. We settled on sunglasses. When the differences are put into this perspective, you can easily talk to your child about them. Some people come from different countries and will have different colored skin or darker hair. Some kids will be shorter or taller. Kids find it interesting that most kids look like their parents, but some children are adopted and may not look like their parents or siblings and that’s OK too. When you explain that everyone is different and that it’s the differences that make everyone beautiful in their own way, children can learn to appreciate the differences in people. If your child does say something about someone who is different and it sounds negative, I recommend redirecting them to some positive aspect of the difference. Often children don’t intend to be offensive when they say things. If your child does say something offensive, be graceful and apologize on behalf of your child and then talk to your child privately about how certain words are inappropriate and can cause hurt feelings. Just as we don’t want to be judged based on our appearance, we have to give other people the same type of respect.
My Child Feels Different
In today’s society we have people of all different backgrounds creating wonderful blended families. When children are growing up in families like this they may start asking about their heritage. Be honest and let them know that they have a wonderful history of ancestors. Share whatever knowledge you have with your children so they can feel special about who they are. Give them the confidence to be proud of their heritage and celebrate it. If your child tells you that he feels different from other people, let him know everyone is different and beautiful in their own way. Let your child know that if someone is giving him a hard time about something, he should let you know. If this happens, it’s important that you address the situation with the parent of the child involved. If it was another adult, you’ll need to address that person directly. There is no reason anyone should ever be harassed or insulted. You would not permit your child to behave this way toward others and you certainly should not allow others to treat your child that way.
That’s it for now. Thanks for listening.
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