Online Dating Etiquette

Being a romantic, I’m highly optimistic about love, I believe that people can find love anywhere, at any time, and under any circumstance. Nowadays, everyone is so busy with work and life in general that it’s hard to find that special someone. That’s why online dating has become such a hugely successful tool for connecting singles with the click of a mouse…or text…or however else eHarmony makes their magic work.

Sponsor: Netflix Instant Streaming. Watch thousands of TV episodes and movies on your PC, Mac, iPad, iPhone or Touch.  Or on your TV through your XBox, PS3 or Wii.  For a free 30-day trial, including one of my new favorite shows, Orange Is The New Black go to www.quickanddirtytips.com/offers.

Of the dozens of different online dating sites out there, each one has the same goal: To connect like-minded people and encourage relationships. However, in an effort to achieve that goal, many users of these sites misconstrue the fundamental practices of what it takes to make a connection.

Like the over-Photoshopped profile images that make you look like Brad Pitt’s stunt double, or listing your occupation as “high rollin’ baller” (even when you are hardly high rolling and still live with your parents).  

So before you embark on a quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right online, check my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for online dating etiquette:

Tip #1: Who Are You, Again?

I majored in art in college (my mother still cries about that decision today…”Doctor? Lawyer? Architect? Why? WHHYYYY?” but I digress). My art training taught me a thing or two about Photoshop. I can plop any image into the software and make magic happen. I think Photoshop has singlehandedly changed the way people connect online, thanks to its ability to trick you into seeing something that isn’t really true (much like alcohol). 

For example, my lack of those sexy six-pack abs? Not a problem, just find a photo of the ripped abs I like online, blend here, erase there, and while I’m at it, move my image so that I’m standing in front of that new Tesla. Click save and et voila, I’m now a good looking, ripped, rich, happening young man. Ah yes, younger is better, right? So I shave off a couple years too, while I’m at it.  Done and done. Bring on the ladies!

Sadly, my mannerly friends, falsifying how you look for your online profile is never going to work in the long run.  Do you think a potential love interest will be inclined to trust a person who shows up to a date 30 pounds heavier or lighter and with far less hair than their online photo? Or if they show up driving a beat-up Corolla instead of that six-figure ride they so proudly showcased? Not likely.

The same goes if you post a photo of yourself that is severely outdated. That’s just as bad as trying to airbrush your picture with graphics software.  

I’m not saying this to be shallow. You should not be embarrassed of who you are at all! Own who you are (online or not). But lying to get a date is not going to get you a second one. It’s only proper to present the same image online that you can promise in real life.

Tip #2: Your So-Called Life

The movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is about a guy who uses his wild imagination to escape his lackluster real life. A big chunk of the movie deals with Walter not being able to find a date on eHarmony because he hasn’t “really been anywhere noteworthy or mentionable” (at least, not in real life). So Walter ventures out to do just that. By the end of the movie his life drastically changes and he can easily add many noteworthy bullets to his online dating profile.

When it comes to online dating, oftentimes people exaggerate their lives for effect (just like Walter). For example, writing, “I love working out 6 days a week,” may be true, but “loving to work out” isn’t the same as actually working out – especially if you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since 2012.

Lying about your lifestyle online is just as bad as lying about your appearance.  Regardless of whether it’s about your hobbies, taste in music, job, travel experience, etc., it’s improper to claim falsehoods about your life that you can’t legitimately back up. Trust me, the person sitting across from you at dinner will be immediately turned off when they realize you think Franzia is fine wine.

It’s immature to build yourself up to be someone or something you are not.  At the same time, if someone will only agree to go out with you because your hobbies look like they run off the budget of Jay Gatsby, you’re just wasting your time and money. You’re better off just going to the restaurant, ordering two meals, and then throwing one in the trash because the results will be the same.

Tip #3: Watch Your Tone

In my book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career, I discuss the concept of “Keyboard Muscles.” This is a phenomenon that occurs when someone gets bold with their language behind the safety net of a computer screen, writing things they never would dare say in real life. Imagine the couch potato who posts angry rants online telling professional NFL players how to do their jobs. 

A similar situation happens a lot with online dating.  As a writer, I understand that it’s easier to write something than speak it in front of a real person. However, you have to remember that your tone online should match your tone in person.  If you have a silver tongue on email exchanges, but a mouthful of marbles on a date, you won’t get very far…unless you find someone who is willing to only converse with you via text. 

Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to online dating, you should be cool, flirty, and even daring, but be able to back it up in reality. In fact, if you can be even better in person than you are online, you’ll be practically on third date status (if you catch my drift) after the first half hour.

When you dive into the world of online dating, there’s no way around it – looks do matter. But remember: the candy has to be sweeter than the wrapper to keep someone’s interest past the first date. That’s why personality and character go a long way in a mature relationship. So when it’s time to create your profile, make sure that your online persona matches your real life one.

As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.

Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It’s available now!

Online dating and online love connection images courtesy of Shutterstock.