How to Deal With a Bridezilla?

Nothing can ruin a fairytale wedding faster than a bride who rules the kingdom like a tyrant. So before you accept bridesmaid duties, check out Modern Manners Guy’s 3 tips for how to handle a bridezilla.

Richie Frieman,
May 12, 2013
Episode #247

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Many of you have been in this situation: You just found out your friend is getting married and you’ve been asked to be a part of her big day. You’re excited! Then, you get another call or email about 30 minutes later with a laundry list of demands, outlining your “duties” as servant to the bride. I say “servant” and not “friend” because I hardly find anything friendly about being bossed around by someone who only has her best interest at heart.

In fact, after recent emails with Modern Manners Guy readers and listeners, who shared their own horror stories of bridezillas gone wild, I’ve found that there isn’t much heart in some of the brides out there.  And guys, don’t think you’re off the hook on this one. There is a species of men known as Groomonsters. I’ll be discussing them in an upcoming episode.;

Let me first say that I’m a romantic at heart and I enjoy seeing two people in love get married. But there is something to be said about a bride who treats her wedding like a dictator running a third world country. And by the way, bridezillas don’t affect only the bridesmaids. No, no, no, my friends, it seems that everyone – bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents, vendors, flower girls (yes, even little innocent children) – must fear the wrath of a bridezilla about to walk down the aisle.

So before you decide to partake in your friend’s big day, check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for how to properly handle a bridezilla:

Tip #1: The Go-With-The-Flow Approach

I’ll start off with the easiest way to handle a bridezilla – simply go with the flow. It’s like the old Seinfeld episode in which Frank Costanza says "serenity now" every time his blood pressure starts to rise (of course, he always winds up shouting it instead). I was at a rehearsal dinner once where I actually heard the bride tell the bridal party, “Just go with the G-d damn flow, people!” Her attitude had all the class of a Demolition Derby and made everyone around her want to run their car into a wall. This bridezilla was so intense, she split her bridal party in two – those who could tolerate her and those who were considering not showing up at all.  

Her attitude also affected family relations. This behavior was an eye-opener for the groom’s family, which had never seen this side of her. As I watched this bridezilla devolve into an unmannerly tyrant over the year of wedding planning, I was thankful not to be directly involved, yet close enough to witness the play by play. And even though some people thought about jumping ship, this is not always the easiest option.  Sometimes, it’s easiest just to go with the flow…Serenity now.

See also: Should I Bring a Friend as a Wedding Date?

Going with the flow is a very mannerly way of saying, “I don’t care enough to argue, even though I know you’re being a jerk.” Like when you’re at work and your boss says or does something insane. You really want to say something, but you know it may cost you your job, so you keep quiet. In the same way, having to be at the bride’s beck and call is just a part of being in the bridal party. But the only way you can really handle going with the flow is if you can respond to this question, “How much does this really mean to me?” with a simple answer of, “Not that much.”

In the end, it’s not your wedding, right? So if you are asked to wear a green outfit even though you hate the way you look in green, does it really matter? Or if you are asked to show up to pictures, dressed and ready to shine, 7 hours before the big day, should you really argue? Going with the flow and having a blasé attitude about a wedding that is not yours is sometimes the easiest, most stress free, and most mannerly thing to do.

See also: Proper Wedding Attire

Certainly you don’t want to be treated like crap, but you simply smile and hope there is a method to the madness. And if it’s not your wedding, it’s not your place to tell someone what to do.