How to Find a Romantic Partner

They say that like attracts like ... and that opposites attract. But like what? And opposite whats? Knowing how your brain works gives you the insight you need to find a compatible partner of the appropriate gender(s).

Stever Robbins
4-minute read
Episode #369

Like Attracts Like

As the old adage goes, "like attracts like." That's true of explorers and builders. Explorers like excitement, so they go for other explorers. Builders like stability and caution, so they go after other builders. Would an explorer and builder fall for each other? Not likely. The two groups are about as polar opposite as you can get. To an explorer, a builder's life would seem unbearably dull. And to a builder, an explorer takes foolish risks and is always running off half-cocked.

Opposites Attract

And as the old adage goes, "opposites attract" (I'll bet you didn't see that coming, did you?). The other two types, Directors and Negotiators, are drawn to their opposite. Directors are drawn to negotiators, and negotiators are drawn to directors. Two directors would tear each other apart. Imagine Donald Trump cloning himself and then getting romantically involved with the clone. It would. Not. End. Well. As for negotiators, I can't really imagine what would happen if you put two of them in the same room, but it could involve a 4th dimensional brainstorming session that never, ever ends.

Our Top Two Systems Matter

You can visit Chemistry.com and take the personality profile for free. What matters are your top two types. Together, those control much of your personality. If you want to know how to get a girlfriend or how to get a boyfriend or how to get a ziz-friend, you can explicitly search for people who are like you, if you're an Explorer or Builder, or who are your opposite, if you're a Director or Negotiator.

You can even have both dynamics in one relationship. I'm a Director/Explorer, and my shmoopie is a Negotiator/Explorer. We have the opposites-attract dynamic in our primary type, and the like-attracts-like dynamic in our secondary type. It explains why it makes no sense that we're together as a couple and have been for years. Using the neurotransmitter-based framework to seek and find a partner just might be a key to finding and building a long, happy relationship.

I'm gathering tips to deal with different forms of online connection, for long-term relationships, dating, or casual encounters. If you or anyone you know happens to be good at meeting people online or via apps, please share some of your knowledge with me by filling out my online dating survey.

I'm Stever Robbins. I help people develop extraordinary minds, reasoning ability, and ability to spot opportunity. If you want to know more, visit http://SteverRobbins.com

Work Less, Do More, and Have a Great Life!

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.


About the Author

Stever Robbins

Stever Robbins was the host of the podcast Get-it-Done Guy from 2007 to 2019. He is a graduate of W. Edward Deming’s Total Quality Management training program and a Certified Master Trainer Elite of NLP. He holds an MBA from the Harvard Business School and a BS in Computer Sciences from MIT.