How to Tell Someone They Have Body Odor
It’s never easy telling someone they smell – but it’s also not easy to work or eat next to them and inhale! If you’re in this scenario, check out Modern Manners Guy’s 3 tips for properly and politely telling someone about their body odor.
Late last year, I unknowingly walked into a Starbucks after cutting myself shaving and had a piece of bloody tissue prominently stuck to my chin. I didn’t realize this until I came to work two hours later. By that time I had walked past a ton of people. I was mortified! Why didn’t anyone tell me? So I wrote an episode about this experience called “There’s Something On Your Face…” I received a lot of email from readers and listeners all of whom had been in the same unfortunate boat. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone.
The sister issue to “not having someone tell you there’s something on your face,” is if someone doesn’t tell you that you smell.
I know, I know, everyone smells like roses, right? You’ve never smelled bad. Not you!… Yeah right. We’ve all smelt rather unflattering at one point or another, so let’s get off the high horse. But how many times have you found yourself standing next to someone and thought that your nose was going to run off your face because their odor was so torturous? This isn’t limited to bad odors either. Sometimes people overdue the ol’ “smell good sauce” which can have the opposite of its intended effect. In any situation, you wish someone would have told you (or you could tell the odorous offender), that the smell is just too much.
See also: Job Interview Etiquette – The Art of Smell Good
So before you get stuck in an elevator with someone who smells like they slept in the zoo overnight, check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for how to properly tell someone about their body odor.
Tip #1: You’re Wearing Too Much Cologne
As I said in my episode Job Interview Etiquette (What to Wear), one of the biggest turn offs in a job interview is when the interviewee overdoes the cologne or perfume. And this is not just an issue in office settings; it happens in everyday interactions as well. You see someone approach you, arms open for a hug, and as they get closer you sense a wave of pine fresh hit you in the face. After you embrace them, you end up smelling like a jug of Old Spice.
I have a family friend who has worn the same perfume for as long as I’ve known her and every time I see her, it makes me dry heave. It’s a popular perfume, so people must like it, but to me it smells like death! In fact, I’d take a rotting body over that smell.
This is a clear case of too much of a good thing (true for anything except pizza, birthday cake, or money). So how do you tell someone their good smell, is really not so good? Don’t worry, you can handle it.
As a person with lifelong allergies, I’ve missed out on many sweet smelling things come allergy season. And sometimes if I’m putting on cologne, I may not think it smells strong enough. So in this aspect, I can sympathize with the odorific person. So if you encounter a person who seems to have bathed in a tub of cologne or perfume, try to deflect the situation onto yourself. For example, say “I’m sorry but what type of perfume are you wearing?…Oh, that kind, yeah, I’m allergic to most perfumes which makes me really sensitive to scents. Does it smell strong to you?”
Bear with me – you’re still easing into the subject. You’ve stated that they “may have” put too much scent on. You have couched your opinion in a purely medical reason (your allergies), so it’s not a judgment call. Now their brain is saying, “Maybe I did overdo it?” And since you know this is going on inside their mind, you should follow up with, “It’s funny, but because of my allergies I can only use a little cologne. Two quick sprays and that’s it. Sometimes even that makes me sneeze! Ha, ha!”
Here you are bringing up the issue, but being sympathetic – even putting the blame on yourself. You are also planting a seed in their mind that maybe they should rethink (or at least double check) how much they put on in the future.
Tip #2: The Cover-Up
In baseball, there is a tradition of shoving a pie into a teammate’s face after a great game. Usually, while one player is giving an interview, a teammate will bombard him from behind with a fluffy pie of whipped cream, to everyone’s delight.
This next tip has a similar approach. To be sure, I’m not telling you to shove a pie into someone’s face to make them smell better (even though the smell of sugar is much better than their BO). That would be rather unmannerly…and very messy. What I am saying is that you could offer an odorous offender something else that smells good and not shove it in their face, but make sure they absolutely know it’s there.
For starters, having spare cologne or perfume around you at all times is key. I have a small sample in my office, one in my gym bag, and one in my car. Too much? Maybe, but here’s my point: if I have to walk a few blocks to a meeting in the August heat, I’m going to sweat. A lot! Luckily I pack properly, and if I can help out a friend with my reinforcements, by all means, I’m going to. For this extreme situation, I refuse to take “No” for an answer either. But I try to be slick with my tactics.
Try approaching the smelly person and offer them to test out some of your own supply, whether it’s a bottle or just a sample in a magazine (a great back-up!). Say, “You have got to try this cologne! It’s the best I’ve ever smelt. Here just try some on your arm.” Then spray (or dab) the cologne on them (after they give you the Okay). Follow up with a reassuring smile and, “Am I right, or am I right? It’s awesome! Here rub it on your shirt. If you need more, just let me know, I have plenty.”
Always ask someone if they are allergic and for their permission before dousing them with perfume, but be casually persistent. After they say they are not allergic, then hit them with it. Don’t cover their body (like my pie-throwing friends) but absolutely make sure they get the hint. Even if just a dab is all you get, it’s a heck of a lot better than what they had before.
Tip #3: The Honest Approach
In Tips #2 and #3, I offered ideas that allowed you to beat around the bush. In this tip, however, I’m telling you to be downright blunt with the person whose body odor is somehow offensive. Let me say that in order to take this approach, the person must, and I mean must, be a close friend or family member with whom you can speak openly. As well, you have to keep this between the two of you (remember Bro Code Etiquette? Same goes for the ladies). If you see – or smell – someone close to you that is off the grid with their odor, it’s your duty to tell them. Same goes for if they have something in their teeth, if their fly is down, if they have a spill or stain on their shirt. Whatever the case may be, proper friends let each other know the truth and odor is one of them.
If you choose to go this route, you have to be honest but discreet. Don’t point it out around others and don’t do it very loudly so someone else will hear. Pull them aside, and say something like, “Listen, I’m going to be completely honest with you – you reek!” Okay, okay, maybe not that harsh. But tell your good friend that “something” on them is making them smell. Maybe it’s a musty shirt, somewhere they came from that smelled, something they ate, whatever it may be. Offer them some cologne or perfume and if you don’t have any, at least let them know so they can take the next steps. It’s not your job to make them smell better, but it is your job to let them know something is “up in the air.”
Do you have a great story about how you handled telling someone they smell? Post all the details in the comment section of the Modern Manners Guy web site or on the Modern Manners Guy Facebook page.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Woman Covering Her Nose and Man with Cologne images from Shutterstock