Improper Bedside Manners
Proper bedside manner is key (especially when delivering bad news), yet some medical professionals seem to lack a certain level of empathy. Modern Manners Guy gives the medical profession a prescription for good bedside manners.
Dear Unmannerly Doctors and Medical Professionals (the small percentage of you, that is),
Please don’t think I’m trying to call you out for a lack of proper bedside manner, but in this episode, I’ll be talking about some key elements of a patient’s needs that must be addressed. These are things I think are important because as the patient, we are in your hands… and often, scared out of our minds!
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Please don’t take this personally–after all, the doctor-patient relationship is a two-way street. However, on our end we are moving a bit slower, while trying to navigate the roads of our health. So bear with me.
Some patients love a happy-go-lucky, laid back style in their doctors, while others like a more straightforward, “here are the facts” approach. Both are fine styles to practice, but I think that some medical professionals still don’t quite understand how their manner might affect the person on the other side of the table.
So, with that in mind, check out my top 3 quick and dirty tips for proper doctor etiquette.
Tip #1: You’re a Doctor…Not a Comedian
A Modern Manners Guy Facebook friend named Bill told me a rather uncomfortable story about a recent doctor visit regarding severe back pain. Bill’s diagnosis was a herniated disc, and he was told that he would be bed ridden for two weeks minimum (per the doctor’s orders.) Bill was devastated for two reasons: one, as a contractor, his job involves lifting, bending, and building, so he would essentially be out of work for however long the doctor said. Secondly, he had to cancel a family camping trip he had been planning for eight months.
So when Bill received the bad news, Dr. Hilarious figured he’d shine some much need comic relief to the situation. He said things like, “Eh, no big deal, you can relax on your couch and watch TV all day instead of working!”, and “Maybe you’ll find a new career that won’t have the same damage to your back!” And let’s not forget, “Camping? Please, I’d rather live on the street!” Oh, Dr. Hilarious, you comedian, you–you sure know how to make a situation even worse.
Here’s the deal; receiving bad news stinks. Even if there is a silver lining (like being able to hang out on the couch all day), no one wants to hear bad news being delivered. Medical professionals tend to see the same cases over and over again, so a big deal to us is often nothing to them.
It’s like when I come to New York to meet my editor and ask her if we can go to Times Square; she rolls her eyes like I am crazy, because after all, she’s seen it millions of times. To my editor, what I think is a big deal is everyday life. Same thing as the doctors and the funny business.
When patient has an issue that affects their everyday life, the last thing they want to do is hear jokes about it. As much as I am a believer in the healing power of humor, there is a time and place for everything, and the day you get bad news is surely not one of them. Then again, have you heard the one about the appendectomy? You’ll love it…
Tip #2: Too Harsh
Bedside manners are highly underrated, in my opinion. True, I don’t want you to sugarcoat anything or dull down the severity of a situation, but on the flip side, the “tell me like it is” approach can sometimes be a bit too harsh.
For example, I asked my doctor friend Michelle about her technique for delivering news to patient and she said, “The only honest way is to be straight forward.” I asked her if she was worried about the person breaking down and crying, and she said, “of course.” However, she added, “would you rather me lie to you?”
I had very little to argue with there. But is it possible to find a middle ground between being too harsh and too soft?
This advice is not coming from the medical end of the argument, mind you, I’m the one on the table waiting nervously for the bad news. So, when I bring this up, understand that I know it’s never easy to deliver a negative prognosis. And granted, it’s only proper to deliver the facts,
But I think empathy is key here. For one, patients are vulnerable and confused, so telling us something quickly doesn’t make it any better.
Here’s an idea: pretend. Yes, that’s right–play it up for us. Turn your emotions up to eleven and let your heart beat through your chest. Put on your best performance and tell us it will be okay, regardless of how bad it is. Don’t lie, but don’t throw us a fastball either.
When you know there will be bad news, show us a case where it worked out for the better. All we need is one little shimmer-of-light case to show it worked out for someone else, and to make us feel like there’s hope.
Tip #3: It Could Be Worse
I saved this tip for last because if Tips #1 and #2 had a baby it would be this pathetic excuse of a response to any negative situation. “It could be worse,” is usually said to make someone feel better about a terrible situation. Rarely does this saying every really do any good, though.
For example, two months ago I took my car into the shop for a routine oil change. While changing my oil, the mechanic noticed I needed three new tires. Great… just flippin’ great. $850 later, the happy mechanic said, “It could be worse-another guy in here needed a new transmission.”
Yes, he’s right– it could be worse. But how does that help me? I see this same ho-hum approach with medical professionals who (like in Tip #2) lack empathy.
When it comes to hearing an unfortunate diagnosis –on any level–there is always going to be something worse. I don’t need a laundry list of other worse things that could have happened to my car–or my body, for that matter. We don’t need comedy, we don’t need other scenarios–what we need is a friend.
I think that the approach of some medical professionals to not get too invested in a patient is totally fine. However, patients are not as strong as doctors; we need more time, and more understanding. So to those amazing doctors that do this already, I applaud you. And for those that look at patients as just a number to check off, please reread this.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
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Photo of comedian doctor, mean doctor, and empathetic doctor courtsey of Shutterstock.