How to Overcome Shyness in the Classroom

For many families this week was back to school week and many students, like my daughter Daniela, are apprehensive about the idea of active participation in the classroom. Daniela describes herself as “shy in the classroom.” Daniela prefers to keep her thoughts to herself and refrain from participating in class discussions—that is, unless specifically called upon.  It’s odd to me since she’s definitely not that way at home. She warms up throughout the year, but when in an new environment, she prefers to keep quiet. This year, she and her twin sister are headed into middle school, so this is a big transition for her. Now she’ll have different kids in each of her classes. Daniela wanted some ideas to help her overcome her shyness in the classroom.  

Why Are Some People Quiet in the Classroom?

However, before I talk about a few solutions to this issue, I think it’s important to talk about why students choose not to participate in the classroom. It could simply be personality type; some people really like to sit quietly, listen to what everyone else says, and synthesize. Have you ever heard the saying, “Still waters run deep”? These people are deep thinkers, but on the surface, most people don’t realize this. That’s why St. Thomas Aquinas’ classmates called him “the Dumb Ox.” Seriously. He was big and quiet, and they thought he was dumb. But he was listening. And thinking. And that’s OK! Unless the teacher (or boss) also thinks you’re a dumb ox. And then it’s not OK. In the classroom, Daniela is definitely a thinker and is comfortable sharing her opinions at home—especially with her sister!

Other people are quiet due to self-doubt and negative self-talk: “What if I say something wrong? What if I embarrass myself?” “If I do something wrong I might get in trouble,” “I don’t want to talk in classroom because people who talk out of turn get in trouble,” “People might judge me,” or “If I don’t say anything, they will just think ‘oh, she’s shy’ and won’t realize I don’t know the answer.”  And I think all of us, from time to time, experience self-doubt and choose to keep our mouths shut.  

Why It’s Crucial to Speak Up

However, in certain situations, and for academic and professional success, it is important part of leadership to allow your voice to be heard. In school, many times you are graded for participation, and not speaking up means a reduction in your grade. However, even if you aren’t graded for participation, your participation is a way for your fellow students and teacher to begin to develop a stronger/deeper relationship with you. And that is important, too!  

And by the way, not speaking up in the classroom can lead to the habit of not speaking up at work, which can be detrimental to your career. In fact, I recently was hired by an organization to work with someone who is very bright, who has great ideas—a leader within his organization—but he typically did not actively share his ideas during meetings. He told me privately that speaking during meetings was uncomfortable and that he preferred to let others speak up at meetings and if he disagreed, he’d just send an email. I was hired by his boss to help him overcome this challenge. From the perspective of senior management, active participation and discussion are key leadership skills that he needed to develop to take the next step in his career. In addition, not speaking up leads to fewer social interactions, yet positive social interactions are necessary for effective and successful internal and external networking at work (and of course they are also necessary for happiness).

What Can You Do?

Recognize you’re not going to have a 180-degree turn around in personality. Your goal is to simply try to increase your interactions so that you can begin to gain confidence in this new endeavor. As you practice, your confidence and skill will grow.

• Tell you teachers privately (or have your parents tell your teachers if you are in middle or elementary school) that you are working on developing classroom interaction skills. This might help the teacher to call on you when you do have the courage to finally raise your hand. The teacher will likely also go easy on you, praising you for your participation regardless of whether you were “right.” A good teacher will make sure the shy student understands that his opinions are highly valued.  
   
• Tell a close friend in class that you are working on this skill. She can help encourage you by either privately supporting you or perhaps even publicly encouraging you to weigh in with your opinion on something—especially if she already knows you know about the topic.   
   
• Set weekly and daily goals, but go very, very slow. Think of it like exercise—something you may not like doing but you know is good for you (and gets easier with time)!  Start by simply telling yourself that you will interact with one new person in the room.  You can give yourself a week to accomplish that goal.  Even something as simple as saying hello is enough for a first step. Oh, and make sure you set up rewards for yourself. Research supports that you are more likely to accomplish a goal if you set up rewards.
    
• Slowly increase to a goal of greeting the people who sit near you every time you sit down. (Once you get really advanced, here’s a special goal for single college students: look for the cutest person in class or the most interesting person in class and make it a goal to sit near him or her and strike up a conversation.) 
   
• Most importantly, set progressive goals for how many times you’ll interact with the teacher. Be sure to set goals for raising your hand and talking with him or her privately. Here’s where telling your teacher helps. If you have the courage to raise your hand and the teacher knows you are working on this skill, he is more likely to help you out by calling on you first and encouraging you.

Your Plan of Action

The first thing is to remember why you need to speak up, and then decide to do it. After that, talk to your teacher or a friend about what you are trying to do. Then create little goals and little rewards. In no time, you will be confidently speaking out, improving your grades, your credibility, and your relationships. Let me know how it works out for you.

This is Lisa B. Marshall helping you to lead and influence.  If you’d like to learn more about compelling communication, I invite you to read my bestselling books, Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview ,and listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk. As always, your success is my business. 

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.