A listener wonders how to manage her frustration after being laid off twice. Are your emotions getting in the way of acheiving your goals? Lisa provides strategies to manage your emotions and acheive success.
I have been laid off twice in a row. I had my performance review done by my boss two months previous to the most recent layoff. He was impressed with my work and received positive feedback from several clients I worked with. The last thing I expected is to be laid off.
Even though, the lay off was not due to performance (as mentioned by the HR person during the layoff), I feel like a looser and keep thinking why is it happening to me twice in a row. I keep asking myself: What am I doing wrong? Why did I keep getting selected it to be laid off?
I'm not sure if it is only pure bad luck. It is been two months now and I'm still feeling sad and upset about losing my job. Who is going to hire a person who got laid off person twice? I'm sure hiring managers will think twice about why I got laid off twice. How do I address interview questions about the reason for leaving my previous jobs?
I want to move on but I'm not able to, I need help but I'm not sure what kind of help. I lost confidence in myself and lost trust in people and organizations. I feel I'm damaged and I do not know where to start.
First, I’m sorry to hear that you were laid off. I have experienced it myself and have worked with many clients in the same situation. It is important to know the feelings and thoughts you expressed are very common and normal. In fact, they are so common, that when I decide to update my book, Ace Your Interview, I added an entire section on this topic!
So allow me to share with you an excerpt from my new book, now titled, Red Duck Interviewing (imagine a bright red duck among a sea of yellow ones).
Here’s the excerpt:
Passion or Anger? It's Up to You
Remember, red is a color of intense and extreme emotion. It’s a color of both passion and anger. Think red as a reminder that your emotions and attitude count. As good as you may be at being positive and enthusiastic while working, if you are currently unemployed, the stress and fear of job transition may begin to show its ugly head.
When you are not working, you may find yourself more open to negative emotions. One moment you may be feeling positive and a few minutes later you’re feeling frustrated, ashamed, or embarrassed. One of my clients even told me, “It’s like I am wearing a sign around my neck—unemployed, failure, unwanted.” So it’s important to recognize that being unemployed is simply a current situation to deal with—not a character flaw—and that a successful interview starts by effectively managing these emotional twists and turns.
When we feel stress, often we are more intense, more defensive, sometimes even hostile or angry. Unfortunately, when we let our negative emotions drive our behavior, people who are in a position to help may run in the opposite direction. These intense or negative emotions make others feel uncomfortable.
Managing your feelings is an internal process that takes extra effort. That’s why I am including a few specific strategies to help you manipulate your thoughts and emotions so that they will serve you positively throughout your job search and interview process.
Do What You Always Do
Even when you are employed, looking for something new is a full-time activity in itself. Sometimes you can be so overwhelmed with finding a job that you forget to keep doing the things that you normally enjoy doing, the things that help you decompress and relieve stress. For some people it’s reading a book, for some it’s listening to music, while for others it might be going for a daily walk. You already know what’s best for you. You’ve been doing it for years. Now is definitely not the time to stop. In fact, this is the time to pump up the volume!
The easiest step is to simply smile more. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. And it turns out that smiling is a natural drug. In a surprising reversal of the cause and effect we traditionally recognize (we're in a good mood so we smile), new research shows that smiling can actually cause positive emotions. Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good.
So when you’re stressed out, you should smile, which can trick your body into a better mood. As an example, a client once told me that a friend had taken him to a local animal shelter to play with puppies on the day he got laid off. He told me he couldn’t stop smiling and that he was surprised at how helpful he found the experience.
So again, smile even when you don’t feel like it. Your stress will be reduced and you'll be better able to take action. Smiling is an extremely high-value behavior.
Studies show that laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, and boosts immune function. It also triggers the release of endorphins and produces a general sense of well-being. There are lots of ways to increase the number of laughs per day: watch silly YouTube videos, watch stand-up comedy on cable (or better yet attend a live show), take a laughing yoga class (yes, it’s a real thing), hang out with your funniest friend, attend a story slam, listen to humorous podcasts, buy a book of your favorite cartoons, take an improv class (I did that once and I laughed for 2 full days), or watch your favorite sitcom. The idea is to purposefully spend time each day doing something that makes you laugh and to think of this time as part of your job interview preparation process.