How to Have Great Sex in a Committed Relationship

Is your love language unintelligible? Is the spark in your committed relationship more like a dying ember? Sex advice abounds, but it’s either vague (“Stay curious,” “Grow together”) or just plain weird (“Eat ice cream in bed with the lights off,” “Try a fake British accent.”) Thankfully, there is hope. This week, Savvy Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen talks with sex therapist Dr. Stephen Snyder about how to keep the flame burning for years to come (no ice cream or accent necessary).

Ellen Hendriksen, PhD
2-minute read
Episode #221

If you ever go looking for sex advice, you’re sure to be inundated with tips on positions, techniques, and whatever the grocery store magazines say is guaranteed to drive your partner wild. But that’s not really what you need. Indeed, if you’re unsatisfied with your sex life, you’re probably not looking to recreate the grapefruit scene from Girls Trip. Instead, you need some sound advice for your most important sex organ—the one between your ears. 

Thankfully, this week, Dr. Stephen Snyder is here to help. Dr. Snyder is a sex and relationship therapist in private practice and on the faculty at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City. He is a frequent guest on major media and a regular contributor to Psychology Today and The Huffington Post. His new book, Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, turns sex therapy inside-out to discover the hidden secrets of desire for committed couples. 

Lisen to the full conversation in the audio player embedded in this article. In this episode, you will learn:

  • Why focusing on orgasm is a misguided approach, and what to do instead.
  • How traditional advice about giving your partner pleasure is all wrong, and the counterintuitive alternative that really works.
  • A two-step, low-pressure “anti-technique” that keeps you present and in the moment.
  • How busy couples can keep the flame alive, both in and out of the bedroom (hint: it’s not date night!)

Pick up a copy of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship wherever you like to get your books!

All content here is for informational purposes only. This content does not replace the professional judgment of your own mental health provider. Please consult a licensed mental health professional for all individual questions and issues.

About the Author

Ellen Hendriksen, PhD

Dr. Ellen Hendriksen was the host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast from 2014 to 2019. She is a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD). She earned her Ph.D. at UCLA and completed her training at Harvard Medical School. Her scientifically-based, zero-judgment approach is regularly featured in Psychology Today, Scientific American, The Huffington Post, and many other media outlets. Her debut book, HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, was published in March 2018.