Should You Use “Nothing in Life Is Free” with Your Dog?
Learn how to use not only treats but any everyday interaction to teach your dog good manners.
Trainers and behavior specialists often advise clients to put their dogs on a “Nothing in Life Is Free” program–NILIF, for short. A dog on NILIF gets nothing–not attention, not food, not walks–without earning it either during a formal training session or by responding to a cue such as “Sit” or “Down.” No collecting ear scritches just by resting that big doggy head on your thigh while you’re trying to write your next article. It sounds so grim—and yet it really shouldn’t be. This week, the hows and whys of “Nothing in Life Is Free.”
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Should You Use “Nothing in Life is Free” with Your Dog?
Framed in the usual way, NILIF makes many dog guardians cringe. It makes me cringe, too. “Nothing in life is free” sounds as if the whole point of the enterprise is to turn your doggy household into an outpost of some cult that bars dancing and hot chocolate. Actually, taken in the right spirit NILIF functions as a teaching program based on reciprocity and exchange. My friend and mentor Pat Miller calls it “Say Please”; other dog-friendly trainers use “Learn to Earn.” And as far as I’m concerned, most dogs should get all the ear scritches they want for free. I’ll describe the exception later on.
Teach Your Dog to Get What She Wants by Giving You What You Want
The big insight behind a “Say Please” program is that we, our dogs’ people, hold the key to pretty much everything a dog wants in life–walks, attention, tasty treats, a game of tug. When we use rewards to train we’re applying that principle. A “Say Please” program takes it further, by structuring daily interactions so that, as often as possible, Dogalini gets what she wants in exchange for doing something you want. The more of these informative and rewarding interactions Dogalini has, the stronger her good habits will become.
How to Use NILIF/“Say Please” Throughout the Day
Here are some examples of how “Say Please” might work in daily life.
If it’s time to go for a walk, then instead of letting Dogalini do whatever while you put on your shoes and attach her leash, you ask her to sit and stay. Here the reward is ongoing–as she holds her sit-stay, walk time gets closer and closer. If she breaks her sit, you interrupt your prep for going out. Once she holds the sit long enough for you to leash her, you could ask her to do a trick, then open the door to reward her for complying. As you walk, you say “Yes!” and deliver a small treat every few paces as long as Dogalini stays more or less by your side. And you reward her for keeping plenty of slack in the leash by offering her frequent chances to go sniff.
At the dog park, you have Dogalini target your hand with her nose once or twice before you unclip her lead. Back home, she can wait in a down-stay while you get her dinner ready and set it on the floor, then head for her bowl when you give the okay. When you’re playing fetch with her in the backyard later that evening, you ask her to sit or down or do a well-known trick before every ball throw–the throw is her reward for responding to your cue.
Obviously, “Say Please” calls for some effort on the human’s part, if you’re not used to thinking much about your interactions with your dog. But it can become second nature if you stick with it for a while, and of course it gets easier and easier as your dog learns to look for your cues throughout the day. Still, you might wonder, why go to the trouble of learning this more structured way of relating to your dog?
Benefits! Big-time benefits.
How to Use “Say Please” for Puppies
You know what a puppy is? A puppy is a learning machine. Practice “Say Please” with your baby Dogalini for a couple of months and you will be patting yourself on the back every single time you see the out-of-control adolescent dog down the block. A puppy whose people teach manners erratically or not at all grows into a dog who’s clueless about human rules.
How to Use “Say Please” for Newly Adopted Dogs
A “Say Please” or “NILIF” program doesn’t focus on punishment–it focuses on rewarding behaviors that you like.
Or suppose you’ve just adopted a dog–oh, maybe yesterday. Zippy doesn’t know what you expect of him or what life might be like with you. Start him off on a “Say Please” program and, yes, you jump-start his manners training–but you also build the bond between you. Remember, “Say Please” doesn’t focus on punishment–it focuses on eliciting and rewarding behaviors that you like. When you teach a behavior by rewarding it, doing the behavior comes to feel good. That’s because your dog associates the behavior with the reward he gets for it–whether that’s a treat, or a chance to go out or chase a ball. And just as we feel good about teachers who encourage us, dogs feel good about us when we use rewards to teach them.
How to Use “Say Please” for Dogs Who Need a Boost
For the same reasons, “Say Please” works beautifully for dogs who could use a little confidence. Each reward they earn by responding to you is a success for them. And an animal who knows a set of consistent, workable rules for life probably experiences something like the feeling of competence and safety that we have when we understand what’s expected of us on the job or how we can meet a partner’s needs at home.
How to Use “Say Please” for Behavior Repair
“Say Please” also comes in handy for repair work. Maybe you’ve got that out-of-control adolescent dog and you’re giving the hairy eyeball to the neighbor whose young ’un is walking so politely on leash. Or your dog never learned to tolerate frustration. He’s the dog who doesn’t just ask for ear scritches with the head-on-thigh trick – he demands them. Or he’ll start mouthing you when you end a game of Tug. “Whaddaya mean, ‘We’re done playing?’ We are not! No no no no no! We are not!” For these dogs, who could really use some structure, an abrupt change in the household rules can knock them for a loop. Set everybody up for success by going slow. Ask for a few easy manners behaviors every day and build up the “Say Please” habit a little at a time.
How to Use NILIF/“Say Please” in Behavior Modification
Frustration intolerance brings us to the word-of-caution piece of this article. Some version of NILIF or “Say Please” enters into many or most behavior modification plans, including behavior mod for aggression. If you’re dealing with frustration intolerance that shades into outright aggression, consult a good behavior professional before proceeding. Same goes if you just want to develop better manners or a better relationship with your dog, but her response to a “Say Please” program turns out to worry you in any way. “Say Please” isn’t harsh or confrontational. If your dog reacts to it by threatening you, get help pronto.
For most of us, though, “Say Please” is an easy, pleasant way to incorporate teaching and learning into everyday life with our dogs, to help a new dog learn the ropes, or to bring up a shy dog’s confidence. You don’t need to live “Say Please” 24/7 to see benefits, by any means–start by applying it consistently to just a few situations. As you get better at noticing which of your dog’s behaviors pay off for her, it will become natural and easy to provide those payoffs in exchange for behaviors you like. Congratulations: you’re a dog trainer.
I welcome your comments and questions – call 206-600-5661, or email dogtrainer@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. And you can talk to me on Facebook, where, amazingly enough, I’m The Dog Trainer. That’s it for this week – thanks for reading.
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