5 Ways to Help Your College Kid Transition Home for Summer

Often, parents greet the summer return of their college kids with mixed feelings. It seems like it was just yesterday many of us were experiencing that bittersweet turning point in life where we dropped them off at college to begin their new life without us guiding their every move. Personally, I’ve gone through this several times already and although it is heartwrenching to drive off campus and leave a child on their own, it’s also gratifying to know we’ve gotten them this far.

The first days following a student’s return from school rarely meet the expectations of the student, the parents, or the rest of the family. Family members expect that things will be like always, and the student will slip back into the daily routine and take on typical family roles and chores. For the student, however, coming home is not just a return but a genuine transition. He or she has developed a whole new life outside the family, including new daily patterns. Any transition requires energy, and students who have just finished up exams, packed up their rooms, and said goodbyes to good friends are already exhausted. They’re not prepared to take on the stress of figuring out how to fit back into the family.

Mighty Mommy sat down with her own college kids to discuss this pivotal time and shares 5 tips on how to ease your college student’s transition home so the entire family can enjoy a healthy, relaxing summer.

Tip #1:  Embrace How They’ve Changed

The first year of college offers a wealth of personal growth experiences. Your student has been away from home for nearly a year, and he or she is returning from his or her first full opportunity to live as an independent adult. My own college kids stressed the importance of recognizing that we are not living with the same child that was in our home last summer.

It’s normal to be excited to have your child home with you again and want everything to be the same as it was before, but college students develop their own schedules and habits, which are often influenced by their new environment and roommates. Your son may come home no longer enjoying some of the comfort food casseroles he used to love growing up because he’s on a gluten-free kick. You may not love these choices, but love your child for the individual he or she is and accept that your student is learning to make his or her own decisions. And if those choices aren’t causing harm, try not to judge.

During final exam time, I try to send my college kids a care package.  Most colleges and universities have this service available, and I can schedule it online.  In addition to the care package, I send them a handwritten card telling them I’m looking forward to having them home again as well as getting on board with our new summer schedules. Sometimes laying the groundwork in advance plants a little seed that you miss them, want to welcome them back but also realize that things will be different, and that’s OK—it’s going to be a change for the entire family, not just them, so you’ll all need to work together to get your groove going for the summer.

I like to schedule a 1:1 outing such as a late lunch or trip to the mall for my college kid and I so we can connect and have time together—just the two of us. One of my kids is moving home next week after his freshman year away and we’ve already picked his favorite wing place to eat at.  When you’re accepting of the young adults they are now becoming you may well reduce the areas around which you have conflict.

Tip #2:  Lay the Groundwork for Re-Entry

After your student has been home for a few days, it’s a great time to lovingly address your expectations and/or rules (and his) for how you see life in your home for the summer.  After being on their own for months and not having to answer to anyone with a curfew or certain chores that need to be done, getting back into the swing of a structured routine and set rules can be difficult on everyone. 

In our family, regardless of whether the student has a job or not, we still expect them to help out with a chore throughout the summer.  We establish early on what his contribution will be so he can work that into his social and work life. 

Sleep is another factor that requires some give and take. Most of my teens and college kids love sleeping until well after noon. When my kids first come home, I definitely make allowances for this so they can get caught up on rest, but then we pick a reasonable time (like 10 a.m.) after that so that the rest of the family can do what they need to.

If sharing the family car is a consideration that can definitely require flexibility on everyone’s part, but better to address your expectations of when your student may or may not have access to your car at the beginning of the summer rather than stressing over this on a daily basis. My kids have their own cars, but my neighbor’s kids share the two family cars so they have a sign out sheet in the kitchen so they can call dibs on a car if they know in advance when they will need one.

The other expectation I have is that I need a phone call or at least a text if they are going to be out later than usual or stay with a friend for the night etc.  Having a worried parent calling and looking for their child all night is stressful for both parties so as long as I get an update from them every once in a while we can all relax and enjoy those late evenings a whole lot more.   See Also: 6 Ways to Improve Family Communication

Tip #3: Give Them Breathing Space

This is so hard, since you might not have seen them in months. It goes against the nature of being a parent, but your young adult needs their space and privacy upon their college return. Try not to hover about in their bedroom to collect their pounds of dirty laundry or get a glimpse of anything they might have brought home that has any real personal meaning. Yes, you’re trying to be helpful, but if they can’t have room to breathe and get acclimated to life at home, the summer is going to start off tense and with unnecessary friction.   See Also:  6 Ways to Create a Happier Family Life

Tip # 4: Curfew?

The majority of college kids that live on their own do not worry about a curfew.  My kids straight out asked if they would still have a curfew during the summer or if we trusted them to make that decision on their own. I really believe this depends on your individual child and knowing their personality traits, if they are generally responsible and can handle the freedom that comes with having a curfew lifted.

Personally, we don’t set a curfew for our college kids in the summer, but we make it very clear that this also doesn’t mean wandering in the house well after midnight each night because that affects the other family members who are sleeping and it’s just not necessary to be out on the town well into the wee hours of the morning night after night.  As mentioned earlier, as long as I get a text or a phone call stating they will be later than usual, a set curfew is not necessary.  Because of this it’s very unusual for my older kids to be out very late because they know we have a mutual understanding and trust.

Tip #5: Show Them the Love

With all the changes both your student and you and your family will be getting used to, it’s important to focus on the joy factor of having them home again.  I look back to those first few weeks when one of my kids has moved to college and remember the angst I would feel of being separated from them for the first real lengthy period of time. Now they’re back home again, safe, healthy and as an independent young adult.  It really is cause for celebration so spoil them with their favorite home baked cookies or without smothering them verbally, share with them why you’re happy to have them home for the summer.  I also ask them to save some time for me every once in a while so we can have a meal together or do some of the fun things we used to do when they were at home.  When you show them the love, you set the foundation for a more peaceful summer where you all appreciate one another.  See Also:  5 Effective Ways to Connect With Your Teen

How do you transition your college kids home for summer break?  Share your thoughts in the Comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page, or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com.

Also visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT

How do you encourage acceptance with your kids?  Share your thoughts in the Comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page, or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com.

Also visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT.