Does Size Matter? Humping a Much Smaller Dog

This week, a listener question. Lee writes about a “HUGE disagreement” with her fiancé, Jim. Jim’s 3-year-old Boston Terrier, Ralph, weighs 25 pounds and he’s always humping Lee’s 8-month-old, 6-pound Maltese, Fred. Fred tries to escape, Ralph persists, and of course Lee can’t always be around to bail Fred out. Lee and Jim consulted a dog trainer who told them not to intervene even though Lee doesn’t like seeing Fred get constantly humped. As Lee sees it, everybody who says that has a big dog, and she doesn’t think it’s fair to let a bigger dog treat a small dog “like a rag doll.”

Let me cut to the chase here: Lee is right. Here’s why, and what she and Jim can do to improve the situation.

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I’ve discussed the common advice to “let dogs work it out” before, in the context of . Some of the factors I mentioned then apply in Lee’s situation too: Do the dogs generally get along well? Do they respect each other’s warnings? And is there a size disparity between them?

Persistent humping when the other dog keeps trying to get away is not appropriate. And it may lead to a dangerous fight.

Why You Shouldn’t “Let the Dogs Work it Out” by Humping

The fact that Ralph persistently humps Fred tells me right off the bat that no, the dogs don’t generally get along well. isn’t necessarily abnormal or aggressive, by any means. Dogs may hump because they’re excited (not necessarily sexually) or stressed, and some dogs seem to masturbate with a cushion or other object. Two of my dogs, Izzy and Muggsy, were great pals and sometimes one of them would hump the other during play. But when a dog fixates on one single behavior and repeats it over and over and over again, something’s wrong (just like with humans). That’s true whether he does the behavior by himself or focuses it on another animal.

Another fact telling me that Lee and her fiancé need to intervene is that Fred can’t get Ralph to stop. Now hear this, Jim and Anonymous Trainer Consulted by Jim: On no planet is it socially appropriate for Dog A to persist in trying to engage Dog B, in any way, when Dog B has signaled Dog A to stop. Fred couldn’t possibly send a clearer signal than he already sends by trying to leave the scene. If that doesn’t work for him, what has he got left? Biting?

Which leads us to the third factor telling me that the humans need to step in: the size disparity between the dogs. Ralph weighs 25 pounds – he’s not a big dog. But Fred weighs a quarter of that. As a comparison, picture a 130-pound adolescent stuck in a cage fight with a sumo wrestler, and think about who’s likelier to get hurt by whom, even if the sumo guy’s not really trying.

4 Steps to Deal with Persistent Humping

Step #1: Ralph and Fred should be physically separated whenever Jim and Lee can’t supervise them. It’s important to keep Ralph from continuing to practice his inappropriate behavior. Also, as I’ve already pointed out, there’s big potential for Fred to get hurt if the conflict escalates.

Step #2: Both dogs should get plenty of physical and mental exercise, including play with their human guardians. Ralph and Fred are young and presumably healthy; if they have a lot of pent-up energy, then instead of lounging and napping much of the day, they’ll be looking around for things to do, such as pester each other. Part of the reason Ralph humps Fred so much might be that he just plain has a lot of steam in need of burning off.

Physical exercise should be supplemented with (you guessed it!) and as much fun, reward-based training as Lee and Jim can provide. It would be good to teach Ralph a , to preempt his humping whenever he approaches Fred with intent.

Step #3: Consult a to help figure out what’s up with Ralph (emphasis on qualified). He wouldn’t be pestering Fred like this if everything in his world were copacetic. Is he generally comfortable with other dogs? Does he get along well with most new dogs he meets, or are greetings tense? If Ralph isn’t a social butterfly to begin with, we shouldn’t expect him to be Mr. Smooth with Fred either.

Step #4: Neuter the dogs if they aren’t neutered already. Intact male dogs often seem to draw out competitive or otherwise problematic behavior in other dogs. (As far as I know, there’s plenty of speculation about the reasons, and not much science behind the speculation.) And of course, neutered dogs can’t make accidental future homeless puppies.

Neutering Fred may make Ralph less likely to hump him, and neutering Ralph may leave him less hormonally inclined to hump. But once a behavior pattern is learned, it doesn’t just vanish, even if its origins lie in hormones  long gone. So even though the dogs should be neutered, don’t rely on that alone to change things.

Encourage the Dogs to Interact Appropriately

Once Ralph and Fred are set up for success, though, we can hope Ralph’s pesky humping will drop off. Lee and Jim can praise the dogs in soft, happy voices when they play appropriately. My episode on can help Lee and Jim judge what they’re seeing. Also praise the dogs when they’re just hanging out and paying no special attention to each other.

Sometimes it’s good to interrupt even appropriate play every couple of minutes. Dogs may become over-excited during play, so it’s all fun and games right up to the moment when it isn’t. You can see the same thing happen between toddlers at the playground! Call the dogs away from each other, ask them to sit, give them each a treat, and then send them back to play some more. You can also attach a foot of light cord to their collars so you can gently lead them away from each other without grabbing at them.

Whenever Ralph starts to hump, interrupt him right away. No grabbing or yelling! Just draw him away with that light cord you’ve already attached to his collar and park him in his crate or behind a baby gate for a minute or so till he settles down. A sign to watch for is a “shake-off,” as if he was shaking off water after a walk in the rain. Dogs shake off when they’re returning to a more relaxed state after being agitated or stressed. By the way, if Fred starts to follow Ralph or harasses him during his break, then Fred needs a break too. No payback allowed!

That brings to an end this edition of The Dog Trainer’s Quick and Dirty Guide to Couples Counseling. For more about teaching and living with your dog, check out my book, . I’m The Dog Trainer on , and you can also write to me at . I welcome your comments and suggestions, and though I can’t reply individually, I may use them as the basis for future articles. Thanks for reading!

Big Dog and Small Dog  image from Shutterstock