How to Be a Good Neighbor

Did you know that September 28th was Good Neighbor Day? I’m not sure why greeting card companies haven’t jumped on this one yet, because hearing about this day makes me want to go buy a card and leave a gift basket on some of my favorite neighbors’ front steps. There are few things in life worse than having bad neighbors, so it’s high time we started celebrating and acknowledging the good ones.

The challenge with becoming a “good neighbor” is that it’s sometimes hard to realize you’re being a bad neighbor. I believe that most people want to be kind and well-liked, so being a bad neighbor is often something that happens accidentally. In an effort to help make our communities a better place, where people like to get to know their neighbors, here are a few tips on how to become a good neighbor. Hopefully you are already doing many of these things, but it’s never too late to start with some new habits.

Stop and Chat

The biggest thing you can do to start being a good neighbor is to stop and chat with your neighbors on a regular basis. The way today’s suburban neighborhoods are designed, it’s really easy to never see your neighbors. Most times we are outside our houses, we are in our cars, so we are almost always behind closed doors. If you want to foster good relationships in your neighborhood, you will likely need to make a purposeful effort in order to talk with your neighbors. While you can always knock on their door and introduce yourself, a less intrusive way to talk with your neighbors is to simply be in front of your house more often. That way, you can say good morning when they are walking their dogs, chat over the bushes when they are watering their flowers, or strike up a conversation when you are putting the trash out.

If you live in an apartment or condo, use the common areas as your chance to get to know the people who live in your community. If you live in 3A, and the woman from 3C gets into the elevator with you, take the opportunity to say, “I see you all the time, but I don’t think we’ve ever officially met.” Taking the initiative to introduce yourself to your neighbor will almost always help strengthen your relationship in the long run.

Limit Your Noise

Unless you live in a very rural area, chances are that being noisy is going to be one of the biggest ways you can irritate your neighbors. Condos and apartments are notorious for having thin walls, which means that a lot of noise can carry from one unit to the next. Keeping your TV and music at lower volume levels and making sure your pets are quiet while you’re gone are small things that make a big impact on your neighbors’ lives. If you aren’t on the bottom floor of your building, you also should consider your flooring. I have a friend who lives in a 2nd floor condo with beautiful travertine floors. She loved her floors, until her downstairs neighbor came up and told her she sounds like an elephant walking around. She was a little confused. After a quick conversation, she and the neighbor realized that it was likely because of the tile floors and my friend’s habit of wearing shoes in the house. She added a few runners and rugs, and her downstairs neighbor is much happier with her now.

If you live in a single family home, you may have more space, but you also need to consider how your noise level impacts your neighbors. If you have a neighbor who comes to you with a noise complaint, hear them out and you’re likely to see that a conversation can go a long way. Knowing that your neighbors work overnight shifts at the local hospital may help you understand why they don’t want your kids playing in the backyard at 10 am every morning. Most times a conversation can help you come up with a solution that works for everyone involved.

Consider Your Audience

Being a good neighbor can sometimes mean taking into account your neighbor’s opinions before making any big decisions. Some neighborhoods have homeowner associations (HOAs) that limit your choices, so you might not have to worry about this as much. But if your neighborhood doesn’t have an HOA you might want to talk with your neighbors before making any large decisions. If you live in a quirky, artsy neighborhood, you might be OK painting your home purple and accenting with wind chimes. If you live in a conservative neighborhood though, you might start getting nasty looks and be uninvited to neighborhood barbeques.

Now, I’m not telling you that you should feel like you need to ask your neighbors permission to do something to your home, but you can start to feel out how they are going to react to a decision. Then, if you think there is going to be someone especially troubled by a choice you are making, you can have a personal conversation with them to try and win them over. Again, a little conversation can go a long way.

Exchange Favors

When you are getting to know your neighbors, one of the quickest ways to get to know someone is to exchange favors. The problem is that people tend to not like to be the first one to ask for help. If you can be the first one to ask for a small favor, you’ll likely see that your neighbor is willing not only to help, but will also engage in a little extra conversation.

The first time we hosted a big Thanksgiving, I realized that I didn’t have enough tables and chairs for all the people who had RSVP’d. I could have called a party rental store, but I decided to ask my next door neighbor first. I knew she often hosted family at her house, and although I didn’t know her very well at the time, I thought it might be worth an ask. Not only did my neighbor let me use a couple folding tables and a bunch of chairs, but she also started telling me about her family, gave me a tour of her home, and a hug when I returned everything the day after Thanksgiving. By asking her for a favor, I was able to form a new friendship.

Keep Neighbors Informed

As a general rule, people are nosy and like to know what’s going on around them. Most people don’t like change either. For this reason, I’ve always found it best to keep our neighbors informed when things are changing around our home. When we go out of town, I try and let our neighbors know that our dog-sitter would be staying at the house so they weren’t suspicious of the stranger letting himself in. If we are having a dinner party, I try to let them know that cars are going to be filling the cul-du-sac. If I suspect the party is going to go later than 10 pm, I let them know what time I think things will wrap up so they aren’t sitting there fuming until our friends leave. I also make sure our neighbors have my email and phone number so they can call me if they aren’t sure about something happening at our house, or tell us if they are bothered by noise.

Speak Like Grownups

This next one is my personal pet peeve. Our house is in a community that is governed by an HOA, which means that anyone within the community can file complaints against other homes in the community. Now, this can have its place, but I have personally had experience with a neighbor who says nice things to your face then complains to the HOA. As someone who worked with kids for years, I realize there is a time and a place for tattlers, but as adults, I think most issues can be solved through face-to-face conversations.

Before you call your HOA or community manager about your neighbor, do me a favor: go knock on their door. Like I mentioned earlier, most people are not trying to be the neighborhood bother. Telling them how their actions are affecting you can almost always help you come up with a solution that works for everyone. If you call the HOA, the person you complain about will likely get a fine. I personally know people who have incurred thousands of dollars trying to deal with a single complaint filed to an HOA about them. It’s NOT worth filing every silly little complaint about people who may bother you in your neighborhood.

If you aren’t comfortable knocking on your neighbor’s door, give them a call, send them an email, or Facebook message them—whatever you can do to resolve the issue before taking it to a community manager.

Gather Together

The final tip to being a great neighbor is to get together with your neighbors. The more you can get together, the more you can get to know each other, which makes those not so fun conversations easier to have in the future. It would be nice to think that everything is going to go smoothly with your neighbors for all of eternity, but in reality, you are probably going to have a disagreement at some point. Build up a bank of trust and friendship to help you get through the rougher situations.

Now that you have these tips, start incorporating a few of them into your routine to become the best neighbor on the block. If you have neighbors who you think would benefit from this episode, make sure to share it in your community newsletters, on your Facebook group, or NextDoor.com page.

Do you have good relationships with your neighbors? How do you maintain them? Share your comments on the Domestic CEO Facebook page.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.