How to Make a Request that Gets Fulfilled

When you make a request, you want the person you’re asking to say “yes.” Of course, you have to ask in the first place. But some ways of asking work better than others. My pal Bernice asked me to review the business book she’s writing called From Mulch to Multinational. It’s about her plant store’s phenomenal success. She sent me a one-line email saying, “Stever, I love you. You’re my BFF forever. Now please help promote my book.” Sweet, but utterly ineffective. Remember my episode on how to say an honest “No”? (No? Well, that’s honest. Go check it out now.)

I used my own lesson and told Bernice that I just didn’t have time.

So she called in the big guns. Europa, our former-pop-star-turned-secret-economic-overlord of the Eastern Bloc, put her assistant Kaitlin on the task. As everyone knows, it’s the assistants who actually get things done. Kaitlin resent Bernice’s request, and I said “Yes” before I knew what hit me.

When my head cleared, I rushed to Kaitlin and asked her how to make a request that works so unbelievably well. Here’s what she told me:

Be Specific When You Make a Request

The first step, Kaitlin points out, is making your request specific. People only have 2.6 seconds to read and understand your message. “Please help promote my book” is too vague. Promote it how? On your podcast? On Twitter? On Facebook? By pitching it to network TV? A vague request got a vague response: silence.

A better request would be, “Please mention my book on your podcast and arrange an interview with Oprah this week.” Fortunately, Bernice didn’t ask that, so next time Oprah and I have brunch, I won’t have to be that guy (I hate being “that guy”) who’s always asking for a favor.

Clarify the Timeline When You Create a Request

When arranging a hostile takeover against an army of programmed trading machines on the stock exchange, Kaitlin points out that timing is crucial. That’s also true of requests. “Please arrange an Oprah interview this week” could mean any time between now and … Friday? Saturday at midnight? Sunday? Specify the day, and the time of day when you need the request. “Please arrange an Oprah interview by Friday at noon. Pacific time.” That request makes the deadline clear. When Oprah hears it, I’m sure she’ll be extra motivated to arrange the interview in a timely fashion.

Specify the Effort Required by Your Request

Fulfilling requests takes effort. If the person she’s asking thinks it will be too much work, they might say “No.” Then Kaitlin would have to drop back to plan B. Kaitlin is a professional; she never drops back to Plan B.

So she includes an estimate of effort with her requests. Including a time limit and effort estimate lets people adjust their work level accordingly. “Could you please spend 10 minutes trying to get an appointment with Oprah’s booker?” makes it clear you aren’t asking your friend for a six-month long PR campaign, just a phone call. By capping the commitment you’re asking for, your requestee finds it easier to say “Yes!”

Include Background Material

“Yes” is also easier if someone doesn’t have to search for background material. Bernice seems to expect me to magically read her new book … that requires a trip to the bookstore. Kaitlin included a copy of the book with her request. By including the necessary background material, you make it super-easy for your respondent to take action. Also, giving a free book activates hardwired psychological impulses that turn your recipient into a zombiefied book-promoting slave. It’s called the “reciprocity” principle. You can find out about it in the book Influence by Robert Cialdini.

Kaitlin goes one step further, though. She realizes that I won’t have time to read the whole book. So she not only includes the book in her request, but she helpfully includes a table of contents and a two-page synopsis. She knows I only have time to skim, and she makes it super-easy for me. So easy I feel compelled to respond.

Do the Work for Them

Finally, being the unbelievably competent executive assistant she is, Kaitlin actually does as much of the work as possible. If she wants a book review, she includes a sample review, which I can, ahem, “use as a starting point.” It saves me effort, and it gives Kaitlin the chance to suggest the specific talking points that she wants in the review. Of course, my response was “Just use the draft review you sent me. It looks good.” Everyone wins.

Give Yes/No Options

For super-overwhelmed people, if she’s asking for information, Kaitlin gives them a multiple choice, so they only have to reply with a single letter. “Can you call Oprah’s booker on Bernice’s behalf? a) Yes b) No c) It’s complicated. Call me to discuss.” That takes all the pressure off the recipient even to compose a response. And by including “No” as one of the choices, the recipient feels that their boundaries are being honored. So they’re more likely to say “Yes.” Human beings are nothing if not irrational.

Take it from Kaitlin and make a request that works! Be specific about what you want. Give your requestee a time limit and tell them how much effort it will (or won’t) take. Give them all the background material, and if possible, do the work for them. Even give them multiple choice options. It’s more work for you up front, but it makes it much more likely you’ll get the “Yes” you want. I wonder if Europa would let Kaitlin work for me. I guess I can always make a request…

I’m an executive coach. I help people succeed professionally and personally. Check out a free copy of the webinar I gave to Harvard Business School’s Alumni Association, Living an Extraordinary Life. Just visit https://www.SteverRobbins.com/lel.

Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!

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