How to Snub Someone

Snubbing doesn’t always get a fair shake.

Let me explain: I’m not here to defend the shaming of someone for malicious reasons.  But sometimes snubbing a jerk is the only route. Properly snubbing someone says, “I have chosen not to have you be a part of my life anymore.”

It requires tact and discretion. Every situation calls for a different approach. So go and brush off your shoulder with my top 3 quick and dirty tips for how to properly snub someone:

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Tip #1: The Friend Snub

In a past Modern Manners Guy episode called, The Silent Treatment, I outlined the do’s and don’ts of ignoring someone. Granted the silent treatment is not the most mature approach, but if you don’t like a person, why pretend to be friends?

Take my friend William for example. He hosted an NFL Playoff party as his house two weeks ago and invited a dozen guys from his fantasy football league. He purposely left Steve (aka, Captain Jerk) off the invite list. See, during the season Steve was insanely rude via text and email, and never paid his league dues like everyone else, even after he was politely reminded of his duty on multiple occasions.  

When it came time to create the party invite list, William left Steve off…and rightfully so. He didn’t make a scene, he didn’t call the party “Everyone But Steve-a-Palooza!” He didn’t even tell the other guys that he purposely neglected to invite Steve. I agree with the snub 100%.  He handled it the right way.

By snubbing Steve, William made it clear that this sort of rude behavior won’t be tolerated. Hopefully, Steve filed the snub under “Lessons Learned.”

Tip #2: The Corporate Snub

Sometimes no matter how hard you work that dream promotion won’t come your way. Instead it goes to some sloth who for whatever reason won over the boss. And as frustrating as this can be, you can’t lose your cool, you can’t go on a rampage against your boss. You may want to (and it may be richly deserved), but you just can’t. Sorry, folks.

However, just because you can’t tell the big boss or the lazybones who got the promotion instead of you exactly what you think of them, doesn’t mean you have to pretend all is good in the world.  You can say a lot without saying or doing very much. This is what I call the Corporate Snub. This is when you take the high road and use the separation technique.

When you’re going to snub a colleague, the best way is to avoid working with them. Don’t badmouth their work ethic, don’t spread malicious rumors, don’t stoop to a high school level. Simply avoid as many interactions as possible.

Don’t get me wrong, you still need to be a team player, but you aren’t obligated to be anything more than cordial. So don’t volunteer to be on the same project with this person. Don’t invite them to lunch. When someone doesn’t pull their weight, you don’t deserve to shower them with your good graces. You don’t need anymore baggage on your way up the ladder.  

Tip #3: The Ex Snub

“Hell hath no fury like a lover scorned!”

And with that, we come to the mother of all snubs – the snubbing of a former love interest.

After a break-up, the bitterness of being dumped sits in your mouth like a cup of year-old coffee. The worst is unexpectedly running into an ex that’s dumped you before you’ve had a chance to heal. Even though you wish the other person a lifetime of loneliness, you can’t let your emotions overwhelm your behavior.  

In many situations, a break-up means both parties go their own way. But this isn’t the case all the time. Maybe you work together. Maybe you live in the same neighborhood (or worse, the same building). Maybe you have mutual friends. Maybe you even have kids in common. No matter the situation, you’re going to be stuck running into them again and again. In such a case, the best way to snub a former lover is to simply show them you have accepted the situation and are happily moving on.

Remember the saying “The best revenge is living well”? It’s totally true. If you really want to get at the ex who hurt you, fire back with living an amazing life. When you see them next time, say something like, “Things are going well. I got a new job, started working out again, and am seeing someone new. I hope all is well with you too.”

Here you’re saying that you are content in their decision to end things, but that didn’t stop you from doing better things. Will they feel snubbed because you aren’t so obsessed with them and their approval? Maybe…but who cares! See, again, you’re not rubbing it in their face, you’re simply letting them know that it will take more than a broken heart to stop your life.

As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.

Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It’s available now!

Angry woman being snubbed image courtesy of Shutterstock.com.