Netiquette
Manners for your social network.
A few recent e-mails stirred me to consider some tips for politely navigating the fairly new horizons of the Internet. Everything from forums and blogs to Facebook and Twitter are perfect opportunities to forget manners and cause all sorts of trouble. I’ll do a quick rundown of some of these situations.
Dear Anonymous
Let’s start with the basics. Forums and blogs are outstanding sources for community involvement. At times the information obtained from user experience on technology forums can far surpass anything that might appear in a manual or on a product information page. However, forums and blogs have one very specific thing in common — the opportunity for anonymity. Most human beings feel that if no one knows who you are, you can say just about anything you want. From racial slurs to name calling, slander, and profanity it seems that not having someone looking you in the eye builds untold amounts of bravado. The feeling that there probably won’t be any recourse can bring out the absolute worst in many people.
There is something to be said for getting a point across, but there are a couple of things to remember when doing this. The ones who will be reading your post are actual people with actual feelings. As I have said and will continue to say, manners are about making other people feel important. If you are not treating people that way with your online comments, you should not leave online comments. Writing out of anger can be cathartic, but our thoughts should be constructive and not damaging.
If someone directs a snide comment at you, retaliating will only fuel the fire and could cause the keyboarding slugfest to become a source of stress for you. Take care of it quickly by not even responding. But if you must respond, do so with a level-headed defense that will cool the situation down instead of heat it up.
On to Facebook. Who would have thought that such a great tool could be fraught with so many pitfalls?
Old friends are reconnecting, new connections are being made, and parents are now able to keep up with their children’s college exploits. On the flip side, jobs are being lost, relationships are crumbling and reputations are being smashed on a daily basis. Now, I’m not saying that Facebook is bad. I’m just saying that we need to pay attention to how we are using it.
Photos for example should be carefully considered before being posted. Uploading pictures of your friend doing silly things at a wild party can be the difference between them getting the job and them still living with their parents. A cell phone snapshot of an accidental meeting between a guy and a girl could cause unrest in a relationship. I would advise against being in many of those situations in the first place, but the real issue is making sure the photo is really worth all the trouble. Anything other than the innocent pic should be approved by the person who is in it. If you’re not sure, play it safe and get the approval anyway. This is especially important when posting photos of other people’s children. And if your request is denied, don’t be offended. Just move on to the next photo. I’m sure you have plenty.
Another uncertainty for many is the issue of “friending” someone. I need to speak to this from both sides, too. If you get a Friend Request from someone and are not sure who they are or you were not really friends with them before this, it is perfectly fine for you to ignore that Friend Request. And if your Friend Request is ignored, understand that it’s just part of being on Facebook. I think we have a tendency to get offended when something like that happens in this uncharted territory. It’s good practice in any situation to give the benefit of the doubt to someone. Don’t take offense. Don’t get angry. Move on and enjoy connecting with the other friends you do have.
Should you be in the situation where you need to un-friend someone, I give you permission to do so. Facebook is a social networking site, and your social life should not cause you to feel uncomfortable. Click that delete button with confidence knowing it was put there for a reason.
The same goes for Twitter. Some of you may have not even heard of Twitter, but just bear with me. When using Twitter, don’t feel like you should have to follow everyone who follows you. Follow only the people whose tweets interest you and don’t feel bad about un-following someone for whatever reason. They will surely continue to muse 140 characters at a time even if you are not around. And don’t hang your self-worth on whether someone else will follow your updates.
I mentioned earlier that manners involve making others feel important; however, this is your social life. The ignoring and the un-following is going to happen. What you do with the tools in the meantime is most crucial. Check your comments to make sure you are being respectful, and remember that whatever comments or photos you release into the Inter-Tubes might be there for a long time.
Transcripts of this show can be found at manners.quickanddirtytips.com. Please e-mail any questions or comments to manners@quickanddirtytips.com or feel free to leave a voicemail at 206-666-4MRM.
The Modern Manners Guy is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips network.
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