The Simple Power of Saying ‘Hi, How Are You?’

Last year, in an article called Be Kind to Strangers, I explained how to be nice to people without necessarily becoming besties.  After all, you never know how someone will interpret your random acts of rudeness or when you’ll run into them again. Recently, when this topic crossed my mind again, I decided to conduct an informal experiment on how to properly treat the people we see but might not greet on a daily basis.

Now, there’s no need to force yourself to engage with that annoying coworker who chews their fingernails (and spits them out). This particular study concerned turning up the charm on the people you pass by every day—office security guards, your building’s doorman, or even the neighborhood postal worker. I asked five friends to do nothing more than say, “Hi, how you are you?” to one of these people each day. Not lengthy greetings, or even follow-ups such as, “So, tell me about your life story,” or “My name is Anthony. What’s your favorite color?” The plan was simply for my willing participants to greet these individuals with more than the usual nod or faint “hi.” And no matter how they reacted, my friends had to keep at it. 

I’m proud to say the results were astonishing! It turns out that everyone enjoyed hearing variations of “Hi, how are you?” or “Heyhowareya.” My friends reported that this very simple greeting made a huge difference in how people reacted to them.

Is this earth-shattering conversation? No, but it’s a definite improvement when it comes to being cordial towards people we see every day and may take for granted. Of all my friends, Christina had the best story. She never greeted the doorman in her building—not that she tried to ignore him—but she thought he didn’t care to converse since he was always watching the monitors or playing on his phone. And not that it makes it any better, she added that she never heard anyone else greet him either. 

See also: Talk to Strangers (It’s Good for Your Health)

On day one, Christina said the doorman was caught off guard when she said “Hi, how are you?” He responded, “I’m sorry?” So, she replied, “I was just saying, ‘Hi and how are you?’” Then she left for work. The following day, she said, “Hi, how are you, Tom,” (after noting name tag) on her way out, and this time he smiled wide and waved goodbye to her. Then, when she came home later that night, she said it again and this time he responded, “Doing fine, doing fine.  Hope you had a good day, too.”

A week later, after daily “Hi, how are you” exchanges, there was a real breakthrough. Tom stopped her when she came home and said she had a package waiting. While this is a normal part of his job, here he went the extra mile. He said, “I saw the box had a small hole or tear in the bottom, and I didn’t want the inside to get damaged from sitting on the wet ground since it rained all day, so I placed it over here on my desk.” This had never happened before! Usually packages sit in the back office unattended until someone comes to retrieves them.

See also: How to Talk to Strangers

And there we have it: the power of “Hey, how are you?” wins again! It’s a perfect example of the “trickle down” effect of doing small acts of kindness. All Christina did was greet someone that she should have been greeting all along, and as a result, Tom saw that people really cared about him. A win-win. Try it yourself. You never know how easy it is to make someone’s day by doing something so effortless.

As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.

Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It’s available now!

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