Coffee House Squatting Etiquette

I do not keep quiet about my love of coffee. In a given year, I may miss drinking coffee about twice. It’s part of my routine, and my one major vice. With that, I have a tremendous love for coffee houses. Every coffee drinker does. Some like the new age coffee houses, others like the vintage establishments you only see in John Cusack movies, and most of us agree that Starbucks is a go-to. And as all my coffee drinking days have taught me, if you’re going to hang out or “squat” at a coffee house, there are major do’s and don’ts.

Use this URL to receive a $25 account bonus! Details below: https://www.betterment.com/modernmanners

Proper Coffee House Squatting Etiquette

We’ve all spotted coffee house squatters; the individuals that set up camp at a table or chair for hours on end, with a laptop, book, or e-reader, while nursing endless cups of coffee. We can thank a dual rise of Starbucks and the show Friends for this phenomenon. In the 1990s we were introduced to – and fell in love with – the notion of sitting in a coffee house for hours with friends or with coworkers. Then somewhere along the line, people entered coffee houses and never left.

So before you sit down for a cup of Joe with every form of technology you own, check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for proper coffee house squatting etiquette:

Tip #1 – The In-Flight Luggage Rule

There was a great photo I saw on a “Fail-Blog” type site that showed a guy at a coffee house, using a desktop Mac on a tiny two top table. Oh, and he managed to save a little spot for coffee. This was a great sign of a coffee house squatter. Now, granted this guy was an extreme squatter, many people still bring their laptops with them to do work at coffee houses – which I have as well – and find that to be completely appropriate. Even a notebook, or an iPad is fine too. But a coffee house is not your office, or your home. If you need to bring your entire office to the coffee house, why note just save yourself the trouble and take the coffee to go? Now, I know what you are saying, “What about students? Or a meeting out of the office? And I need certain items…” To that I say, you are free to squat with technology but please people, be realistic!

If you’re going to squat at coffee house, and you bring so many items that an airline would have to charge you a baggage fee, then you know you have to reevaluate your logistics. I love meeting at coffee houses to do work with others and just catch up, but I don’t pack like I’m a walking Best Buy. When you plan to sit down at a coffee house for longer than it takes to drink your beverage, stick to what you can bring in a backpack or messenger bag. If you need more, you shouldn’t be meeting at a coffee house in the first place.

Tip #2 – Only One Cup?

I’m not sure what’s more of a ripoff, the cost of a gallon of gas these days or the cost of a cup of coffee. And I’m not talking about the 5,000 calorie lattes that taste like heaven, but just the regular cup of coffee. Come on – $3 for beans and water?! At least with the latte there’s a modicum of service involved. Still, when you go to a coffee house and buy one cup of coffee but stay there for 5 hours – that’s a waste of everyone’s time. Not only are you really just using the place for their free WiFi, but you are taking up the seat of someone else who actually plans to spend some time and money there.

So if you are going to squat at a coffee house, you should enjoy everything that comes with it. Coffee houses have some of the best snack foods I’ve ever had. Cupcakes, muffins, biscotti, oh my! The really good ones have homemade treats that are to die for. Sure, the stuff in the mega-chain coffee houses may be filled with preservatives and stuff that would never eat, but when I walk in there, I can’t help myself. I am tricked every time. So, if you are planning on squatting at a coffee house, bring a few extra bucks and enjoy the amenities.

Tip #3 – Don’t Pump Up the Volume

If you’ve read my , you know that I’m a huge music lover, having interviewed nearly 1,000 musicians to date for my digital magazine, . So, I totally understand when people want to listen to music while they are doing work in coffee houses or just at home. But unlike at home, a coffee house does not offer the accommodations of a closed door or solitary quarters. Whenever I go to the counter to get my coffee, inevitably one person will be listening to music, video chatting, or watching perform on YouTube at full blast – or at blast enough that while in line, I can hear the soundtrack to their lives…in more ways than one. Coffee houses are public and your music should be kept private.

There is no reason why everyone should not have a pair of headphones with them if they plan to use their laptop or portable music player in public. And this goes double for coffee house squatters. I don’t care if you are the reincarnation of Frank Sinatra and are airing your own personal recordings, no one wants to hear your music or videos blasting out loud. If you are going to squat, show some respect for your fellow coffee drinkers and use your headphones. If you don’t have a pair, than guess what – you’re out of luck. And think about this: the last thing you want is to have a bunch of caffeine-hyped people jump down your throat when you won’t turn down the volume.

Do you have a great story about a coffee house squatter experience? Post all the details in Comments below. 

As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Check out my page, follow me on Twitter . And of course, check back next week for more tips.