5 Ways to Love Parenting Even More

It’s long been said that parenting is the “toughest job you’ll ever love,” and as the mom of eight kids between 10-22, I couldn’t agree more! When I daydreamed of holding a precious newborn in my arms after nearly six years of infertility, I openly admit I was so swept away with the romantic notions that I didn’t realize many real life issues I would soon find my norm.  Colic, sleepless nights, projective vomiting and constipation (the babies, not me!) temper tantrums, food throwing, toilet training struggles, sibling squabbles, speech delays, attitudes, back talk, messy rooms, endless hours of homework—well, you get the picture.  See Also:  How to Make Sure Your Kids Don’t Push Your Buttons

Parenting does indeed come with too many individual job descriptions to mention, but it certainly has far more rewarding benefits than any job I can think of—particularly when one of my kids tells me they love me. I’ll be the first to admit, however, that when you’re in the trenches of a difficult stretch with one of your kids, it’s quite easy to feel overwhelmed.

Now that I have several kids in college and don’t have toddlers anymore, I truly can’t believe how fast the years of child raising can go by. Sometimes it takes my breath away to realize they are leaving the nest and venturing out on their own. I hate to talk about regrets, so instead, let me say that I think I would’ve tried to love my job as a parent a lot more and not have worried or complained so much during challenging times when my kids were young.

Here are five ways you can turn it around and love your parenting job even more.

Tip #1:  Live in the Moment

It seems to be human nature that we drift away from the present to either a memory from the past or wishful thinking about what’s in store next for us. For a parent who is listening to a toddler throwing a tantrum in the grocery store because she can’t have 10 candy bars at the checkout lane, it’s no wonder thoughts of sending the kid off to college are all we can think about as we try to simply get out of the store unscathed. There’s no question when we’re having a difficult day with our kids we might want to wish that time away. But if we shift our mindset to accepting that many of our parenting moments aren’t going to be easy and that our kids need us, it really can make you appreciate your overall parenting job a lot more.  One of my favorite times of the day is in the morning when we’re all getting ready for school or work. I used to run around like a headless chicken trying to get everyone out the door, but now that my kids are older and can help get themselves ready, I can focus on the little things—like watching my ten-year old experiment with weird new ingredients in her oatmeal or listen to our two feisty dogs bark like crazy when the bus comes down the street.  If nothing else, when you stay focused on the interactions happening with your family right there, on that given day, you will start to connect with your kids and spouse in a more positive way.  See Also:  8 Ways to be Present With Your Kids

Tip #2: Be More Playful

So much of our parenting role is serious. We want to raise thoughtful, independent, successful young adults so we naturally set rules and boundaries that we are continually enforcing day in and day out. Throw in the monotony of our rigorous daily schedules so that we can maintain a somewhat orderly life (well, we can try!) and it doesn’t leave much time for fun and games.  Whether you have a newborn or teen when you pursue playful activities on a regular basis, you can really add a steady fun factor to your job as a parent. You don’t have to die your hair purple and dress in polka dots and stripes to be playful (but then again, why not?). But when was the last time you tickled one of your kids or played a game of charades? One of my favorite things to do with my kids is color—you should see those new adult coloring books that are all the rage right now! If spontaneous, silly moments are hard to come by, then start exploring some creative outlets that you can enjoy both with your family and alone because being more playful will not only help you love your job as a parent more, but will benefit your entire family.  See Also:  5 Ways to Say Yes to Your Kids

Tip #3:  Schedule “Time Ins”

We know that “time outs” are beneficial when we want to redirect our child who needs to be removed from a situation that isn’t going well—giving them quiet time without any distractions to think about what they’ve just done so they can make a better decision or have a better frame of my mind after chilling out alone. Time-Ins are on that same wave length, however, you use this time to be together with your kids and away from the hectic, many times overscheduled, commitments and activities you are constantly juggling.

Because our calendars are so full with extracurricular activities, practices, and appointments, we often don’t make time to just hang out in our own homes with our families. But with regularly scheduled “Time ins,” you can reserve some sacred time to not rush out the door to another commitment, but instead lounge around your cozy home and have your favorite cereals for dinner or play a game of checkers or rearrange the furniture in your living room. You might even use the time to just hang out and talk! Some of my kids love to bake and cook so we use some of our “time ins” to create recipes we’ve never tried before and that we normally wouldn’t have time to make on a busy school night. We try to have at least two “Time ins” a month, and my hope is that when my kids have families of their own they’ll continue this tradition.   See Also:  6 Ways to Take Back Family Time

Tip #4:  Thou Shall Not Compare

One sure way to not love your own life is to compare your family with someone else’s. Whether it be someone in your own family, your neighbor, a coworker, or someone you barely know on Facebook, there is absolutely no point in comparing your family’s lifestyle, home, school, or any other situation with anyone else. Next time you think the “grass is greener” in someone else’s backyard, focus on all the blessings you have right in front of you and pour your energy into your loved ones not into what you think someone else has that’s better. 

Tip #5:  Look for the Silver Lining

One of my favorite movies is Silver Linings Playbook where the main character, Pat Solitano (played by Bradley Cooper) has been in a mental health facility for nearly a year and then moves in with his parents while trying to win his estranged wife back. He is under the care of a therapist who wants him to keep taking his medication, however, he decides he is going to try an entirely new approach and self-treatment based on his new outlook on life and that is he would attempt to find the good, or silver linings, in everything he experienced.

It’s easy to look for the negative side of a situation, but that sure doesn’t make anyone feel good when the focus is on what went wrong. The next time you’re faced with a negative parenting moment, do what Pat Solitano did and look for the silver lining (and yes, sometimes you really do have to look hard). Last week I got a call at 1 AM from the campus police at my son’s college. He had been to party that had gotten out of hand and over 50 kids were taken into custody and all the parents were phoned in the middle of the night. After my heart rate returned to normal, and although I was disappointed that he made a poor decision to be part of that scene, I was simply grateful he was not hurt or involved in anything more than a disorderly noise disturbance and was able to remove my 20 new gray hairs and eventually go back to sleep. Choosing to look for the positive side of things can  create more bliss in your life and when parenting, that can definitely help you love your job a whole lot more.

What makes you love your job as a parent?  Share your thoughts in the comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT.

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