Over the years, I’ve given out my fair share of nicknames (actually, it’s something I’m really fond of), and I’ve been the proud owner of a few: T-Bone, Apple T, Uncle Trent, Trently, and Cheeseburger. That last one is as a result of how much I like cheeseburgers. But I’ve also been subjected to a few: Stretch Armstrong, Leg Weak (the opposite of Arm Strong), and String Bean. At any rate, the chances are pretty good that you have given or received a nickname at some point in your life. My goal is for nicknames to work FOR us and not AGAINST us.

What’s the Origin of Nicknames?

The word “nickname” was derived from the Olde English phrase “an ekename” which simply meant “an additional name.” In my lifetime I have seen these additional names used in many ways. One is merely to simplify someone’s long name like A-Rod for Alex Rodriguez, the third baseman on the New York Yankees. Another type of nickname could be a form of flattery. Terrance Cody, the former Nose Tackle for The University of Alabama football team is called Mount Cody because of his size and presence on the football field. Nicknames can be innocent like turning Richard into Rick or Margaret into Maggie; or they can be ironic like calling all redheads “Blue” or calling Terrance Cody “Tiny.” Those are usually a fun way to express familiarity with someone.

When Is Using Nicknames Bad Manners?

Sadly, nicknames are also commonly used as a derogatory reference. Four Eyes, Brace-face, and Pimple-puss are catchy, but they are just not mannerly. There are going to be a number of folks who will protest this idea (I’m sure there is an entire fourth grade class somewhere workshopping a few more whoppers), but the plain-and-simple of it is that using nicknames in this way is meant to demean someone else, thereby giving the purveyor of the nickname perceived superiority over the recipient. 

I do understand that sometimes nicknames seem harmless, but often a nickname can stick with someone so long that no one even remembers why it was given in the first place. Everyone becomes used to it while it continues to frustrate the person who just can’t seem to get rid of it. For those of us who have any heart at all, it is always embarrassing to find out that we’ve been calling someone a name they despise. I think it’s high-time we do something about it.

How to Give Appropriate Nicknames

The very first tip is the same thing I have been saying like a broken record. Manners are about showing others you think they are important. Make sure the nicknames you give are built around that principle. You don’t have to call everyone “Chief” or “Boss.” Just make sure the name is not something that will frustrate the other person. Don’t use a nickname that draws attention to someone’s worst feature or something embarrassing they did. That may be funny to you, but it’s not about you is it?

Another tip is don’t force it. Try a nickname out for a while, but if it doesn’t stick, it doesn’t stick. Trying to make the nickname catch on is another way to focus on yourself only. Nicknames should just happen without effort. 
If the person to whom you have given the nickname doesn’t seem to like it, back off. Also, don’t wait for them to say something to you. Not everyone will tell you to your face that your new name for them is making them uncomfortable. Watch how they respond and see if they seem to like it or not. Pull the plug at the first sign of discomfort. And you might even think about offering an apology.

I love giving and getting nicknames, so you will never hear me say that nicknames are wrong. However, if you notice that someone has gotten a nickname they hate, you can start the movement to overthrow that nickname in support of a better, more fitting nickname. If you can’t come up with one of your own, boycott the thing all together so it doesn’t gain momentum.

How to Prevent a Bad Nickname from Sticking

Also, it is okay to refuse a nickname. I recommend you make a study of the motives behind the monicker before declaring war, since it could have been given out of innocence. However, if it was thrust on you with malicious intent, say something like, “I’ll be okay without that one” or “Giving out nicknames is not your strong suit. I’ll stick with the name I already have.” Then maintain resolve. If you get too frustrated or answer to that nickname even once, you’ll be called that for life. And do not resort to giving out your own set of demeaning nicknames to get back at anyone. Three lefts make a right, but two wrongs do not.

Summary

Use a nickname as a way to build the other person up. Yes, nicknames have the power to alienate or demean others, but they are also a great way to make someone feel accepted. Use that power for good and not evil.

Administrative

Thank you for joining me for another of The Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.

Remember that if you have any comments or questions you may email me The Modern Manners Guy at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. You can also post a question or comment on my Facebook page or on Twitter. Drop by, join the discussions, and let us know about your manners situations.

The Modern Manners Guy is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network.

Nameplate image courtesy of Shutterstock