Because I’ve been raising a large family for so long now (8 kids, all born in a little over a decade), I’m used to the stares and even comments when something–or should I say someone–falls apart in a public setting.

I’ve covered the gamut, from breakdowns at the check-out line and tantrums on the beach when a sibling knocks over a carefully constructed sand castle, to those vocal shouting matches–always in front of judgmental onlookers!–after I’ve had to tell one of my cherubs, “no,” when they ask if a friend can spend the night.

Kids don’t always behave as we’d like when we’re out and about, and parenting when others are watching can be tough. So it might help you to know that you’re certainly not alone. You can make these uncomfortable parenting moments a lot more bearable with my 5 tips to help you parent under difficult circumstances–and when you have an audience.

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Tip #1:  Cover the Basics

When at all possible, see that your child’s basic needs are met before you head into a public venue that could trigger him/her to fall apart. The classic scenario is taking a tired, hungry child to run errands when he/she is already running on a low fuel tank. Adults are irritable when we’re run down or haven’t had anything to eat for hours, so why wouldn’t a kid be the same?

If your child is overdue for her nap or hasn’t had a snack recently, this probably isn’t the best time to drag her to the registry of motor vehicles to have your license renewed. If you must run the errand, then absolutely take the time to bring along some snacks or even a comfort toy, like her favorite stuffed animal, to cuddle with while you wait in line.

While you’re at it, make sure your needs are met, as well–this includes taking a bathroom break, having a glass of cold water, and sitting down and taking a few deep breaths before you hit the road with your kids. If all else fails and she has a melt down anyway, remind yourself that, “this too shall pass,” and use a soothing tone with your child, rather than barking at her to, “simmer down and stop making everyone around us miserable.” Kindness goes a lot further than anger, especially when all eyes are on you and your child.

See Also: No Whining Zone

Tip #2: Present Your Expectations Before You Go

The time to present expectations to your child is before you leave the house or get out of the car, not when you’re in the “heat of the moment” and he is whining or beginning a tantrum. 

When my kids were younger, I presented the rules and what was expected of them in a story format, so it didn’t sound like a lecture. For example, if we were heading to a pediatrician appointment for the new baby, and my three older toddler and nursery school-aged children had to accompany me, I’d gather them on the sofa and explain, “Hey everyone, guess what we get to do today? We are all going to take baby Annie to see Dr. Heinl for her check-up. Remember what Dr. Heinl’s office is like?”

I would then proceed to give some quick highlights about what will be happening at the baby’s check-up, and remind them that we would need to be quiet so the doctor could make sure Annie was doing well. Then, I’d add quick reminders about how we don’t run in the doctor’s office, that we could sit and read a book while we were waiting, and that after Dr. Heinl was all done making sure the baby was nice and healthy, we could throw the ball around on the grass in the nearby park.

I made sure my voice was enthusiastic about what we’d be doing, and would ask them questions in the car to remind them of how they would be expected to behave once we got there. “Brady, do you remember what you’ll be doing when the doctor is checking your baby sister?”

This kept them involved in what was happening, and by my giving gentle reminders before the appointment at home, and also just before we got there in the car, we had a much better success rate of the check-up going well for all of us–including the other patients  in the waiting room!

See Also: 6 Ways to be a Calmer Parent

Tip #3: Stay Connected to Your Child

I find that one of the biggest reasons one of my 8 kids might act out in public, or even in front of grandparents or family friends, is because they are trying to get my attention. Whether you have an only child or several, like I do, kids can never get enough of mom or dad’s undivided attention.

When I know I’m going to be distracted, have to focus on a work-related matter, or am having company over that will divert my focus from one of the kids, I find things go a lot smoother if I can find little ways to interact with them before and after the event takes place.

For instance, last week I had several meetings to attend right after work that caused me to be late for dinner three nights in a row. I knew I was going to be putting in longer days, yet at the same time, my kids were going to be forced to have dinner later than usual–which is always a risk for meltdowns. On those nights, when I pulled in the driveway, my youngest two would run outside immediately–not to lovingly welcome me home, mind you, but to complain about their siblings in front of the neighbors, who were outside as well!

Rather than go on the defensive about why they shouldn’t be attacking me before my seatbelt was even unbuckled, I made sure they both got warm hugs, and that I asked them individually about something fun they got to do that day. Completely ignoring their complaints about their brother or sister, and focusing on something positive they got to do that day instead, helped breakthe tension with them, and helped me stay cool and not lose it in front of my “audience.”

See Also: 10 Healthy Habits to Strengthen Your Family

Tip #4:  Don’t Give In–No Matter What!

Let’s face it: no one likes to have all eyes on them because their kid is screaming and carrying on like the end of the world is coming. It’s so much easier to give in and let your child have the sticky, sugary bubble gum at the check-out counter, rather than stay calm and consistent and say, “No, we’re not getting gum today.” 

But we’re smart enough to know that by giving in, we’re only sending the powerful message that we can be manipulated and coerced into letting the child have his way, just because we want to avoid the embarrassment of the public showdown in Aisle 3. 

If you are shopping with your toddler, remind yourself that you need to get in and out of places quickly, because it’s hard for them to realize they can’t have everything they want. With older kids, tell them up front the exact reason for the shopping trip, whether it’s a to get a birthday present for a friend, or to pick out a new game you can play together later that week.

Be specific, so that they’ll know you’re not going on a shopping spree, but are looking for a particular tem. Then ask them to help pick something out in a certain price range. Concentrating on details and having a sense of empowerment will make them feel helpful and more involved. 

When the time comes to check out, if your child ignores your request to get ready to leave, and doesn’t cooperate with the instructions you both discussed prior to entering the store, put the items you were planning on purchasing down and leave. When your child sees that you mean business, especially in a public setting, she is going to quickly learn that you can’t be manipulated, even out in front of others. At the same time, you’ll be setting a great example for other parents and adults who might give in too often under similar circumstances. 

See Also: Were You a Good Parent This Year?

Tip #5:  Let Your Child Become Your Helper

Because I had so many young kids close in age, I often didn’t have the luxury of shopping alone, or with just one or two of them with me. If I wanted to keep groceries stocked, I usually had to take many of them shopping all at once. This was actually terrifying the first few times I did it, but once I got myself and my kids into a grocery shopping routine, and included them as helpers, my shopping trips were manageable–and dare I admit it, sometimes even enjoyable!  

One of my favorite strategies was making my older kids my personal helpers. Upon entering the store, I would start talking about what we were going to see and look for in each section of the market. For instance, we would always shop in the produce section of our store first, so the minute we got started, I would chat about all the different colors we were seeing–“Can you believe how many red apples there are in the store today, Casey?” Then we’d start noticing all the pieces of fruit that were red, and then yellow, and orange, and so on. For my kids who were able to help put pieces of fruit in a bag, I’d put them to work selecting the best tomatoes they could find. 

 See Also:  How to Get Kids to Help in the Kitchen

Next, we might talk about all the things we could do with American cheese, as we waited ever-so-patiently in line at the deli. “How about we have grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch when we get home, Brendan? ” For items like cereal and ice cream, I would give them a choice between two brands, so they could ultimately have the final say in some of the food we picked out. We even played rhyming games as we shopped: “Casey, can you tell me three words that sound like cheese?” Anything to keep them involved as I navigated the store with my grocery list in hand was one step closer to a successful check out.

Not every trip to the grocery store has been smooth sailing, but I can’t tell you how many compliments we have received from other shoppers who have observed us chatting and interacting throughout our shopping trip. It takes more effort to keep your kids involved, but by letting them become helpers, you not only build their self-esteem, but you can also lessen the stress of your shopping excursions.

See Also: 5 Tips to Make Meal Planning Easier

How do you handle uncomfortable parenting moments in public?  Share your thoughts in the comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, or post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. You can also connect with me on Twitter @MightyMommy or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com.  Visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT.

Photo of screaming boy, crying girl, girl at checkout, shopping family, and mom and child shopping courtesy of Shutterstock.